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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Newbie here- introducing myself
Post Info TOPIC: Newbie here- introducing myself
midas


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Newbie here- introducing myself
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Hi folks, I married a man who'd been sober over 3 yrs. I only ever knew him as straight, sober & stable. We eloped in the spring but waited until October for a real wedding party. Little did I know that he drank one week before the wedding- a night I went for dinner with girlfriends- a night that he had his first "psychotic break" in which he urinated on me, took on an alternate identity, and kept me up all night with crazy behavior.

The wedding was wonderful, but soon after there was work stress, and weight gain, and illness, and depression. He cried many times over his traumatic childhood and loss of his brother several years ago. This escalated to where he was having dissociative episodes, sleep deprivation, and manic behavior that led to him being put on anti-psychotics and then committed to a mental institution for a week and diagnosed with PTSD.

When he got out of the hospital he was fine for 2 days before the behaviors started again, even though he went off the meds we thought caused the problems. At last he came clean that he had been drinking. A total of 2 months 18 days of relapse that he managed to hide in more ingenious ways I ever knew possible. When I was suspicious he always had an excuse and his hiding places were too elaborate for me to find. Imagine my shock at this level of deception, lies and betrayal! He got out of the detox hospital Dec 23, so at least we had the holidays together, and were able to air many things and make amends while he was still in the hospital.

I'm joining here now because we got in a fight and I have no one to turn to. So silly- something in a movie triggered me & made me upset about the relapse- thinking we had new honesty and communication skills now, I aired my thoughts to him only for it to turn into a feud with me sobbing and him angry and leaving the house to go see a movie. I don't think he's drinking- I just feel desperate in that I'm not free to hurt and grieve over such an extreme dececption. To "support" my AH am I supposed to just play the martyr and bottle up everything that upsets me? I can't talk to him for fear of triggering him, but since I protect his anonymity I can't talk to any friends or family either. Result is I just end up hating my life and feeling like I'll never be happy.no

Thanks for listening.



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"my country is the world, and my religion is to do good" (Thomas Paine)
daisy chain


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I know what you mean about "supporting" not saying anything negative and/or not expressing your feelings. I have learnt from meeting that it is at this point that you make a call to another Alanon member and/or your sponsor.

I'm new here too, although I have experience of attending f2f meetings. Maybe you have heard the slogan -keep coming back. I think that is what all we can do. I can really relate to your last sentence. Sorry you are having a rough time. Take care.

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Jerry F


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Aloha Midas and welcome to the board.  You already got the grand introduction to alcoholism and that is the worst of diseases.  It's a fatal disease that if he doesn't arrest it by total abstinence it will get worse and worse and that means for you also.  Breaking his anonymity usually means that he is a practicing member of AA and if he is keep that title anonymous.  If he is still "practicing" and not in recovery you can tell it like it is to the counselors, sponsors etc.  Leaving his name out of the conversations is respect and honor.   Daisy mentioned Al-Anon membership.  The Al-Anon Family Groups (AFG) is for the family, friends and associates of alcoholics who have been affected by the disease alcoholism thru someone elses compulsive drinking.  Go to the white pages of your local telephone book and look up the hotline number and then call it.  You will learn where and when we get together in your town and all meetings are open so you can walk in and take your seat.  You're not alone and since the disease of alcoholism is in every country on this planet the recovery programs of AA and Al-Anon mostly are too.  Call and get to the very first one you can.  You don't have to speak; we never use last names and we never use the name of our alcoholics or addicts.  Just come and listen, learn, get literature, read and ask for help practicing the very same steps and traditions which are used in AA.  

Keep coming back here...this is family; this is 24/7 support for Midas.  We already love and support you.   (((hugs))) smile



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Overcome


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Welcome midas!

So glad you found us! I am so sorry about all that you are going through.

So glad you found MIP, you'll find we are a very loving group. I also encourage you to find a face to face (f2f) group locally. You can check your local white pages, or sometimes they are in the local newspaper, or you can also check out this website: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html  Good luck to you! If you'd like to get a "feel" of what an Al-anon meeting is all about come join us in the chat room. (9 p.m. E.S.T.) Just go to the link above under Al-Anon Group Meeting/Chat room and come on in! There will be people present (me) to help you log in if you don't know how. F2f meetings are a must too, I believe to work a serious program when you first come in. So be sure if check out the website, or local listings for f2f meetings in your area.

Overcome



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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
nmike


~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome to MIP! This site and face to face meetings for Alanon saved me years ago. Alcoholism is a cunning, baffling disease. It is also progressive if the personal does not get into recovery. And that means us as Alanoners also. We end up sicker then the alcoholic. Keep coming back.

Nancy

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midas


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Thank you everyone for the kind words and support. I will go to a f2f group- looking for one for newcomers and feeling grateful that I live in a big city with lots of options. Last night I was hyperventilating from crying so hard... it was only by coming here that I found a place to write and read and get out of the hole of utter desperation.

Bless you all Midas

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"my country is the world, and my religion is to do good" (Thomas Paine)
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