The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday I responded to a post from Marmare about "when is it my time?" It seems that Marmare and i both had the same feelings yesterday, and as I read the replies, so did many others.
But Powerless suggested we grab our purse, and get the heck out of the house and do something for ourselves...right now!!
Well, I grabbed my kids, took them to a kinda fancy restraunt, and had supper. I told them that they were my dates for the night because my husband couldn't be, and I hoped that they would treat me well, and be a little gentleman and lady.
Boy, were they ever!! We had such a nice dinner, followed with dessert (we NEVER have desert) and then did some shopping. (Funny tho, a couple was sitting at the table next to us, and they were fighting about the same things I always instigate fights about, and both my son and daughter were nervous, and I had to fight myself cause I wanted to tell them to let it go, life is too short, but I didn't.) I bought them both a new outfit for their christmas concerts tomorrow, and a few pairs of Christmas socks. (I never buy speicalty socks... can't justify the purchase)
I then went home, and instead of feeling so lonely, I pulled out the puppies and showed the neighbors. Cleaned the Kitchen spotless preparing for the arrival of a new table today, and helped my son study for his test on times today (clocks).
This morning I feel normal again. I didn't worry about my husband. Normally I would have made sure that he had some supper ready when he got home, and moan and whine that he wasn't around to help with the nightly routines. Didn't get all up in a roar when he got home, and decided not to be a martyr anymore.
I have been resentful because I am always driving my husband (who lost his license due to imparement) and doing feel like I am taking care of him.
This morning, when the alarm went off, I didn't wake him up. I didn't tell him to make the lunches or feed the new puppies. I didn't boss him around in any way. Told myself that if he wasn't ready when we were, I would leave without him. He got up on his own, made the lunches, and fed the dogs, and was ready when we left. For the first time in two weeks there was no yelling at each other in the morning....
Amazing how much control i choose to take over my house, and how much smoother things work out when I let go.
So Powerless, you have no idea how wize your words were. I am so glad I took your advice!!!
I too got busy, didn't leave the house but got about 1/3 of my baking done. I do goody baskets for friends, about 8 different cookies and 5 different candies. My A came home early from work, had a minor accident, ran a screw bit into his finger, no stitches but heavy antibotics, no pain killers, that kind of irked him. I didn't let his whinning bother me though. I stayed busy all day into the early evening, feel like so much got accomplished. It's all about prespective I guess, mine got a bit distorted. Off to the kitchen, have lots more to do today, then will run my youngest for his haircut and then when we come home, he will pull my hair through the cap so I can color it. I will be gorgeous by 4 this afternoon. LOL
Thank you for sharing. It looks like you are taking alot of big steps which is good. I am proud of them. Keep up the good work. Baby steps it takes time. I know about control I have a problem with that. Not letting things go.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
Aron 