The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My sponsor made me log on today to "listen" to some shares today.
I still did not know if I belonged here or could relate; still wondered if I needed to do some more "research" before deciding if I needed t his program lol.
I still think it's about dealing with the A or dealing with others who are "sick".
I am sick.
I am. Because I am frustrated and irritable and "unreasonable" and praying now to have that channeled.
Anway, my roommate is trying to look for work now so we can keep our home.
Today, I caught myself being too "pep talky" to him. Alanon tells me to "understand" and "encourage the a" but I have to deal with this, too.
I can't control how he looks for work.
I admit that I checked a website for him and he did log on to it, found no openings for a job and I had to accept that all I could do was refer him; I could not magically get him a job.
I can't.
I am scared of being homeless. He told me that probably won't happen.
but I have fear.
I have discovered that part of my "self-care", that is on my signature is about turning over my fear.
"god, help me deal with this fear"; esp if it is not y our will for us to have our home or for B. to have a job now, at least I need help with the worst case scenario. Give me strength and confidence to do the next right thing. Help me discover my strengths; only you know about them."
amen.
Forgive me again if I am sharing only drama and only the problem or if I am not doing this right.
thanks,
Allie
__________________
Alanon is about self-care, not caring for the alcoholic.
Hi Allie, great post, from fear to faith. I applaud you for remembering to turn to a power Greater than yourself, that's the goal!!
I had once become so full of fear, I just couldn't move, like I became paralyzed. All I focused on was the "what-if's" and my resentments of the past. Once I came into recovery, someone had given me the fear prayer, "God, please remove my fear and direct my attention to how You would have me be." I like that little prayer, it's another way of saying to Higher power, "I am willing to see things differently." I say that often when I feel my life is becoming unmanageable because by now I know, my suffering is the result of a thinking problem.
I took the suggestion long ago, of buying a gratitude journal, I keep it at my night stand. Your post is a reminder to me to start that up again because I know when I do that, when I write about my gratitude for the good that day, when I am truly LOVING the good in my life, that energy seems to create more of it, I imagine the universe is now clear about what I love and what I want. I go off to sleep feeling cared for and protected with a big smile on my face.
A suggestion is to try changing your prayer a bit, begin with praise! When I get quiet and still in meditation, I am able to notice my heart is beating and my lungs are expanding, I can feel the alive-ness in my toes... that's how I know without a doubt, the universe is in full support of me and my existence because I don't control any of that. it just happens on its own, it is a power Greater than me, right with me, supporting me, supporting life itself... always puts a smile on my face. praise!
Sometimes, things change, that is for sure. But in my experience, when one door closes, another always opens. Ultimately I have had to learn, there are other ways to live, but I sure didn't show up in al-anon thinking that! I had hitched my security to someone who was untrustworthy and unreliable, a true crazymaker and that had its consequences. I learned not to do that anymore, but it only took several 2x4's to the head for me to "get it."
It's going to be okay, my friend ((((hugs))))
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Orchid, I am not in a position ot leave my a roommate right now.
And also we share the rent; he has told me he cannot afford to stay here if he does not find a part time job. (just explaining my situation; this is reality) I don't depend on him wholly, but he is my roommate. We really are not ready right now to survive without each other financially. I would work, but my abilities are limited, not to mention how hard it is for *him* to find a job.
All I can do now is detach and pray and hope to goodness he finds something before January. I will encourage him, too, that's all I can humanly do. If I see something else for him, I will tell him about it, but I cannot make him do it or make some boss hire him.
And I will try also to be positive; dwelling on my fear will mess me up very fast.
I have also been removing myself from his line of sight, literally and figuratively so he can hit his own bottom and have no one to blame or lean on for his own welfare.
We are indeed 2 separate ppl.
I think the last time he found a job, I was out of the picture. He had no one to blame and hit his own bottom.
I cannot leave him, but I can remove myself from his problems.
I am not responsible for him.
I am only 1/2 of this household.
Carol
-- Edited by AllieinAlanon on Friday 16th of November 2012 08:08:23 PM
__________________
Alanon is about self-care, not caring for the alcoholic.
I most definitely looked for work for the ex A all the time. I even applied for jobs for him. You are not alone in trying to prompt someone else along. I felt I needed to remind him of his responsibility. In fact he had been irresponsible all his life and nothing I did ever really changed that but he did work most of the time and for a long long time on many levels held something together. His addiciton and alcoholism eventually got to the point of changing that.
Whatever your AH does, this time of year isn't the best to look for work but that doesn't mean anyone should stop looking. There are other alternatives if you need money like food stamps and general assistance programs and you do not need to be totally dependent on another person to survive, pay rent or take care of yourself. In the relationship I had with the now ex a I was incredibly dependent on him for so many things. When I got to al anon it was the beginning of being willing to stop life being all about him and what he did. For some reason I had some idea that that was the ideal relationship where he was the center of my life. I am glad you got to listen in to meetings here and look at whether you felt connected. I am also very very glad you have a sponsor. Being willing to follow suggestions is a huge step in working a program.s
