The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm finding this Holiday season with my A very ironic. Not even sure that's the right word. In the past the months and weeks leading up to the holidays my A was active in his cocaine addiction. This year was different. Actually it was the longest he'd ever gone without using......10 months.
He started back up about a month ago and seems to be heading right back to full blown active addiction, which doesn't surprise me. What's so strange is that in the past no matter how bad things were he pulled himself together and we always managed to have nice holidays. It got to the point that I'd tell myself *Don't panic, everything will fall into place, it always does this time of year*
Well Thanksgiving his dad had come to visit us from Ma. We live in Fl. It ended up my A went out and used almost every day that his dad was here and didn't even spend Thanksgiving with us. I was actually shocked.
Now it seems Christmas will be the same type of scenario. He's been using just about every other night. He's out there right now.
I'm finding it very hard to be in the Christmas spirit this year, I really am. I have lots of kids! so I really have to pull it together for them, regardless of what he's doing.
Tomorrow I plan to go shopping and get everyone Christmas day outfits and pjs for Christmas Eve. I always love putting the kids to bed all Christmassy in holiday pjs every year. We're also going to go to a place called Rogers Christmas village which is free and so nice. All little cottages decked out for the holiday with huge decorated trees. I'm really hoping it puts me in a better frame of mind and more into the holiday.
I guess I'm just finding it so sad that we have all the ingredients for a happy family yet we are so far from that it's not even funny.
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Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
I hear you. Although, my A isn't an active addict, I know the feeling of wondering why we can't pull it all together as a family. We have alot going for us too. But I have learned over the years of living with my A is that he is either oblivious of what others want out of a holiday or he/his addictions are really jealous of anyone else getting the attention. I am learning to let go a little of my expectations. Although my kids are older, I have asked them what they want to do for Christmas. My reality is that the holidays are going to be a little different this year and maybe that's what my HP wants for me.
Maybe the excitement of the children will rub off on you. I wasn't much in the spirit either, by my two year old is getting me excited about the holidays. I think it is a wonderful tradition to have Christmas PJs and outfits. What a wonderful thing to look forward to every year.
Keep in mind that addiction is progressive. What I tell myself when it is killing me that my husband is getting worse is that he may be a step closer to help.
So sorry to hear about your A going back to using. I have come to understand nothing about this disease surprises me, so sad. However, you making the holidays so special for your children is something they will remember with great joy. Yes, the holidays may be hard but you need to make them for you and yours
My mom always loved the Christmas Season and I had a new dress every year under the tree, those are memories I cherish as I am sure it brought her as much joy. Your children are blessed to have such a wonderful mom. Hope you will get yourself pj's too. Lots of well wishes, Tracey (tea2)
