The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Oh man Im struggling not to cry right now! Just came from Christmas lunch where my A husband, teenage son and I met my mother and older brother. We were doing fine w/appetizer, soda, main meal but then the bill came. Husband insisted on paying the bill even though I had already bought a gift card for us to cover our part of the meal. My mother said "oh no, why do you always do this?" "A" husband got mad, paid the bill and then went to sit in the car for the remainder. Mother, brother, son & I did a quick exchange of gifts and left in a hurry.
And we did this to avoid my alcoholic younger brother!
So now Im not in the Christmas mood, dont want to celebrate w/husbands side, and Im ready for it to be Jan 2nd.
I know for sons sake I need to put on a happy face by next wknd and be Merry but right now I just feel like crying. I dont feel it was fair for my mother, older brother, son or myself.
U r right it was not fair. Too bad that life is not always fair. Especially for A's. This is a frightful disease for them & their families. The added pressures and expectations of the holiday can be emotionally exhausting for all of us. That is why I love this Forum. We can vent and gain ESH from each other. Keep the faith! I Focus on what I can do positively.
Today my "A" (who has been sober for 9 years) WAS ACTING THE SAME WAY! He thinks al-anoners are a bunch of whiners.
I asked him to park the car at Wally-Mart and eat his take-out lunch while I ran in to the store to return something. He agreed then he met me inside. I was speaking to a young man in front of me who was also disturbed about the length of the line. We were(I thought) just being nice. My A comes in from "lunch" and is mad. He starts complaining loudly about the line. Then he started saying things about what people were wearing as they passed by us. I was not liking the remarks he was making so I said. "You are one to talk." "Look at the shirt you are wearing today." Well that really pissed him off because the young man in front of us was laughing at what I said. He had not laughed at the other comments my A had made so far. Then he really let me have it one square by saying he thinks I look like s--t all the time he just doesn't say anthing so f-you. Nice....such enchanting behavior.
So, I took my gift card for my returns. Dropped his butt off at his apt. and came home. I played some music and cleaned. I feel happy and I am not worrying about his behavior. I can't control any of these things except me! So I focus on myself and what I need to do to for my life to be better.
Besides...he was tired and hungry and let's face it Wal-Marts sucks on Sunday when it is not Xmas time. We will both move on and if we try really hard we can all be merrier next week. Besides...Santa is watching us!
There is hope. Merry Xmas! I hoped something of what I said here helps you. I know it sure helped me!
Too bad that life is not always fair. Especially for A's. This is a frightful disease for them & their families. The added pressures and expectations of the holiday can be emotionally exhausting for all of us. That is why I love this Forum. We can vent and gain ESH from each other. Keep the faith! I Focus on what I can do positively.