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It is now 7:40 and I am awake AGAIN. This time another dream about him - we decided to try to get together and talk at a bar in my town - my car broke down on the way but I got there. I was so happy to see him and scared at the same time. Deep down I knew he was still using. We really didnt talk but sat there for a while - other people were around us so we didnt want to talk very deep. Then he kept wanting me to go outside to talk and I did - we never discussed anything important (I think out of my own fears). I guess he left and we were supposed to talk again sometime soon. I called him the next day upset - no answer - somehow I heard that he was spending the entire day at a friends house and would be unavailable. Deep down (even though he never claimed he was doing coke in reality) I knew he was doing coke and thats why he would be unavailable. So I tried calling one more time - this time he very sweetly answered the phone and called me "baby" and acted like everything was perfect. I asked him what was going on - HONESTLY. He told me - well I did a little coke - no big deal and he wasnt going to go it again. I started to cry and his friend in the background said to him - get off the phone with her you know you two shouldnt be together and there is a reason you broke up. Then I ended up in front of him and this guy - physically reaching out to my ex saying how much we loved each other and that this guy didnt understand why I broke up with him and that it had everything to do with drugs. The guy laughed me off and called me crazy which upset me even more - then I woke up
What is with this!! I have not dreamed about him once - now the entire night has been inundated with dreams about HIM.... this isnt good.
My heart bleeds for you my dear. I cannot imagine what that must be like ~ dream or no dream. I read the book A Million Little Pieces by James Frey and what I learned is what these drugs do to our loved ones and how our loved ones have completely lost their ability to do anything with their lives while under the influence.
I will keep you in my prayers
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
What I'm hoping is that these dreams are you continuing through your grief process. Maybe this is your minds way of helping you deal with things, or maybe it's letting you know to work through these things. I'm not sure.
Either way, as scary and unpleasant as the dreams are, use them to your advantage in your growth. Know we are all hear for you {{{{{Cyn}}}}}
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
honey listen to me...those dreams are normal. its because reality was so f**ked up around you that your subconscious is remembeing and trying to fight those situations in your head.
i got them every night for 4 mths.....
...and i wasnt on any sleeping pills..i refused to take them coz i believe that all those pills would supress all my emotions even more than i was trying to do..just to cope throu the day.
im still totally lost and confused cyn...
my heart goes out to you because i know you are feeling that you will never get back to the happy person you once was....
...thats my current belief....but people keep saying to us it gets better in time...
This is just my spin on things I do think it is your subconscious releasing your emotions and also the dreams are a lot about his unavailbility to you. This speaks volumes to me in that deep down you are thinking he is never there for you emotionally or otherwise. Try and get yourself to a counsellor or at least speak to someone by phone they may be able to put everything into perspective for you. Try and catch up on some sleep today you sound very drained. Luv Leo x
I too have had increased dreams from going on and off medications. I see how the grieving process can contribute too or even a person's thoughts before going to sleep. Remember that dreams are just dreams. They are mixes of things from the past, present,daily activities and just plain nonsense. Some therapists wanted me to write my dreams down but this depends on the therapist. I think writing them here is very healing and helpful in your recovery. Keep reaching out and working your program. My heart also breaks for you. ((((((Cyn)))) I remember the dreams I had when my daughter's alcoholism/drug abuse was at it's worst. She was young and I could not reach her! IT helped me so much to talk about them here. Hang in my friend. Things do and will get better for you. your friend in recovery, cdb
