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Hi all, pardon me while I vent, but I do welcome any and all feedback. As most of you are aware, my A and I are evacuee's from Katrina recently relocated to Virginia. Well he had to go "home" for a week and that's fine, it's giving me time to think and re-evaluate and spend time with my HP. However, he has taken to calling and either leaving voicemails if the phone is off or cursing me out if I do answer the phone. You see, before he left I discovered several voice mails from another woman saying how she was looking forward to seeing him while he was there and I called her and told her he was married and she hung up on me. Evidently they got together and she told him I called her so he calls me and tells me that I have no right invading his voice mail. Well if this girl is just a friend, then why is it a secret and why is he over reacting? Is it just me? I didn't just move 1;2 across the US for him to be carrying on secret conversations with other women and then planning to meet them while I sit at home and twiddle my thumbs! I don't fuc*ing think so!!!!!! There are not supposed to be secrets. He says I should of talked to him and questioned him about her. When? He's never sober long enough to carry on a conversation much less get an honest answer out of him.
This week was supposed to be my time to spend with me myself and my HP. I thought that I was coming to terms with alot of things and was willing to accept that he isn't willing to change his addiction much less admit it. But now I am not so sure. I am throwing things, I am cooking, I am cleaning, I am writing til my fingers hurt, I've cried an ocean and I still don't know what to do. I actully told him not to come home. I meant it too. Unfortnately he knows he has no where else to go and that the house is in his name too so he can come home. Me, I am hopefully going to be in a financial position soon that if things continue this way I can walk away, even though it isn't what I want.
I love my A, I love my husband, I just can't stand him right now. He is wrong and his actions are wrong and i know that it's the alcohol but that doesn't make it any easier. I want my husband back dammit! I want the honest, loving, caring, kind, considerate man that I fell in love with. Unfortunately it seems there are several other women out there who want him too.
I hurt so much that I feel as though I've had a rusty knife plunged deep in my heart. I don't know what it is that he expects from me. I don't know what I expect from me. I don't even know who I am anymore. I want so much to be healthy and happy and whole and I don't even know where to begin putting the pieces back together.
ODAT is too much. OHAT is too much. I've gotten to when one minute at a time is too much and I just want to lay in my bed and give up. But then what? He's won and I get what? I lose all that I've worked for my whole life and my kids and grandkids certainly wouldn't want me around and worst of all I am just like him: I*ve given up and I don't want that. Please help me someone. I know there is a sane way to go about all this right now I just can't find it.
HI missy , you don't say if you are going to Al-Anon meeings for yourself i sure hope u consider going your worth the effort , and your husb is pissed off cause he got caught . period. may be just a friend but who knows.
Am sorry u had to go thru Katrina u must be feeling displaced about now , everything new etc . Al -Anon meetings would make life much easier u will make new friends people to share with and offer solutions to your problems. take care of yourself , You really are worth the effort . Louise
When I am at my most desperate I just concentrate on what I am doing. I will say to myself, now I am washing the floor. Now I am rifding my bike. I will play with my mind and keep it busy.
I agree with abbyal, get to a face to face meeting.
They will give you a phone list. Then when things are very bad you can call someone who understands, who also has been affected by an alcoholic. You can maybe meet for coffee.
Do you have any alanon books? I was very upset the other night and then I posted here and read my courage to change and called aprogram friend.
Keep posting and reaching out.
Things can get better for you
In support and recovery
megan
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
The only meetings I am able to attend right now are the ones here on line, but I have a real live meeting scheduled tomorow. I am anxious to go because I know that from what I've seen in the chat room it will realy help. As far as books and literature go that is going to have to come in time as right now my finances don't allow for it. But I will get some.
If you have AIM, please add me to you buddy list MSH7299.
I am a Katrina evacuee, too. Luckily I was able to return to New Orleans, just not to my home. I'm dealing with some of the same things you are. Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy. Coming to this site has helped so much, and I finally made it to a f2f meeting. There is lots of literature at the meetings. The books aren't too expensive and the pamphlets are 10 cents or a quarter.
Everytime I catch myself obsessing about my A and what he might be doing I make myself stop and remind myself that he is in God's hands now. I turn up the radio or pick up a book or go for a walk....anything to keep my mind occupied. Coming here and reading the boards helps a lot too..especially in reminding me that I am not alone!
Just wanted to say please don't underestimate the impact of the hurricane on your emotions. I have been through a Category 5 cyclone which devastated our town. I also worked with the locals in counselling when we lost everything. Some people did not actually lose the plot until 12 months down the track. Your situation is even worse because you are having to deal with active A's in your life. Try not to fix everything all at once. Get some sanity back in your lives when you have a home again. In the meantime take care of you first. Make yourself number one priority. Luv Leo xx
You are right I don't think people realise the devastation of a cat 5 hurricane and ehat it does to your life and having an active A in your life makes it triplyn hard. I am trying to take it ODAT but it is very hard, and I am finding myself more and more depressed as the days go on. Don't get me wrong we are very blessed in that a church relocated us to Va and we have a new chance to get on with our lives, but he has to want to get on or it isnn't going to work with just me trying to do it all and I am very sick with alot of illnesses that prevent me from doing all that ZI want to do. I am trying but it's hard. Thanks to all of you guys on here I find the courage to get through another day another hour anohter minuten another second. Thank you all.
I have been through something quite similar. Looking back, it was the most shattering event in my life. I did get through it. Time. For me, it was time. The answer for you may not come right away - and that is okay. Don't rush it. Maybe the answer will be to leave the relationship and maybe it won't be. Just take the time to really do what is right for YOU and to do what is right for YOU.
. I am trying to take it ODAT but it is very hard, and I am finding myself more and more depressed as the days go on. Don't get me wrong we are very blessed in that a church relocated us to Va and we have a new chance to get on with our lives, but he has to want to get on or it isnn't going to work with just me trying to do it all and I am very sick with alot of illnesses that prevent me from doing all that ZI want to do. I am trying but it's hard. Thanks to all of you guys on here I find the courage to get through another day another hour anohter minuten another second. Thank you all.