The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
God gave us memory that we might have roses in December.--James M. Barrie. Do you remember what it was like to not have sobriety? Remember the shame? Remember the loneliness? Remember lying and wishing you could stop? Remember the powerlessness? Do you remember, also, how it felt when you began to believe you had an illness? Your shame was lifted. Remember what it was like to look around at your meeting and know you belonged? Your loneliness was lifted. Remember when you family started to trust you again? Your dishonesty had been lifted. Sobriety gives us many roses. Our memory will help to keep them fresh. Prayer for the Day Higher Power, never let me forget what it was like. Why? Because I'm only one drink or pill away from losing You.
Action for the Day I'll find a friend I trust. I'll tell that person what my life was like before sobriety. I'll also talk about how I got sober.
######ROSIE.....oh i remember what my crazieness was like.....i remember the out of control anger...out of control CONTROLLING.....the hump of hate/ resentment...the self abuse/ hate.....the "forcing" my way on "undoable projects" i remember the isolation....i remember the utter hoplessness of my life....like it was a "living dead" sentence....."life sucks than you die".....oh yeah, i remember.......i remember when i found out i was codependent, it was like "ok, i KNOW the enemy..i can deal with it now".....like putting a face to a serial killer....you KNOW who your looking to get off the streets, not just a faceless/ nameless horror that has a hold on you and you have NO place to turn with it.........
##########yeah, i had to say to myself "rosie, you are TOAST.....give UP the fight....give it UP..throw DOWN your sword and make PEACE with life".....it was hard, it felt like defeat, but in defeat i am finding victory......a paradox, but true......i found that there were OTHERS in my boat as well....so i was NOT alone, NOT a freak, NOT "dirty,damaged,diferent"....i was just a sick person who wants to get well......i came into 12Steps and i came home.......now i know how my relationships have improved....my relationship with ME has improved.....i am TODAY, emotionally sober.....i give thanks for that.........oh yeah, i won't forget the days of horror.....THAT is why i am a "lifer" here in the program........my action is regular sponser calls...working the literature./steps ..sharing on the boards/ meets.......telling my sister what things USED to be like.......what it feels like to be sober TODAY.......
For a moment I thought you were talking about me. All I have to do is look back at my posts here and see where I was and where I am now. I wish we still had the old message board too when I first joined. I really showed my craziness back then! It is great that you can see how far you have come and how the program has changed your life :) cdb ((((((rosie))))))
I so enjoy input from double winners. To see the disease and recovery from both sides of the coin. To see how the hell of the A and the non A dovetail, and so can there recovery.
For me understanding the disease and what my A goes thru are not taking the focus off me. As long as I'm not obsessing over it, it's part of the balance that I'm finding is the key to my recovery.
Thanks for posting Rose, thanks for the light.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
