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Some days are so hard to get through. I battle just staying afloat.
Yesterday was one of then. I tried so many of the tools I have learned... I read my literature, I called my sponsor, I drew, I made cookies, I decorated the tree, I went to church, I took a bubble bath and the list does go on. As long as my mind was not resting I was ok for that second... but the second I sctopped doing things I was gone. My brain was outside out my body and my heart was on fire. I felt like I was crumbling under the weight of the air. My sponsor kept telling me I was doing good by using my tools and that I was going to make it through that day second by second. I hurt so badly I didn't know if I believed her or not. I DO think the weather has an impact on me lately. I do notice that on gloomy days I have more trouble getting myself through the day.
Does anyone else have trouble with the weather effecting them?? What do you differently on those days to get you through?
I have so much pain within and I am having trouble letting it out. I am afraid it will all overflow like a volcano and burn me to a crumble. Any suggestions???
FIrst off, your sponsor sounds right on the mark, as it DOES sound like you are doing the right things, breaking things down to manageable chunks, etc.... Two thoughts...
1. Do you allow yourself "some" time to allow your emotions to flow? I always thought a good cry can be quite therapeutic, and sometimes we forget to "allow ourselves" to actually express what we are feeling.... The key, of course, is balance - and not letting these feelings overwhelm and dominate us, but it has been my experience that this balance is more readily achieved when we allow ourselves some "downtime"....
2. I'm a "list writer", and it helped me, to write down, and validate (with myself, or other trusted source) exactly "what" I am so upset about. Stick to the facts (whats), and try your best to avoid the other stuff (whys). I found it helpful, and there ARE solutions, for everything factual....
Hope that helps
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Like an alcoholic, I am affected if it is raining, or shining, light or dark.. depending on where my head is at the time. I have had days where I am so excited that it is raining, and full of joy, and others where I can't beleive that yet another thing has happened to ruin my day.
I have discovered that I have some control over the way I CHOOSE to tackle a day. Just because I feel bad, doesn't mean I have to react to the day bad.
My sponsor told me that I have the right to feel. I can feel the rotten feelings all day long if i want, but I have the choice to weather or not I will let that feeling run me.
Sometimes the battle I take with myself keeps me out of trouble tho. I spend alot of time and energy not letting the bad feelings rule my day, and sometimes that battle stops me from meddling where I don't belong.
So just because you feel rotten, doesn't mean you are actually rotten. It is JUST A FEELING. Neither right nor wrong. When I found my feelings, I knew I had reached another level in the program, cause I was never allowed to feel before. I had lots of feelings to feel that hadn't been felt in a long long time....
Ick, all this feeling stuff....LOL
You can beat yourself up, but only if you are willing to fight back.
Weather has a big effect on me - there is actually a condition called Seasonal Affective Disorder that troubles many people living in Northern climates, where there is much less light in the winter. I find the best thing is to get as much natural light as possible. Even on a dull gloomy day, there is much more light outside than indoors, and you may need that light. If at all possible, try getting outside, even if it is raining or cold. If you work in a cubicle, or in a mall, or somewhere else where there is only artificial light, it may really help to go outside at lunch and break times. More exercise also helps me at this time of year, and I am really careful to eat less salt, and less caffeine. Maybe some of this will help you - anyway, if you find the weather affects you, no you are not crazy, and you are not alone.
I think about the alanon HALT saying. H is for hungry,,,A is for angry,,,L is for lonely and T is for tired. When one of these is not in balance it throws us off. How are you on the HALT situation? Did you ever see a doctor about being able to get more sleep? your friend, cdb :)
Lots of ESH already ~ if it's the A that's affecting you, you've got the tools. If it's the weather or lack of sunshine (which affects me in late January, February) I sit in the sun for a little while in the afternoon while the sun is shining brightly ~ there's a window at work that I sit in (tee hee) and also there are certain UV lamps which I have not tried yet.
For me, the sunshine and the warmth really helps. Good luck,
Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
