The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First things first - I have an important job interview today that I am PRAYING I get - would make my life alot more simplified (in the long run) if I did get it. Many of you were not around last night for my share in the meeting - but as of late I am realizing that my HP had a specific plan for me that I am finally starting to see clearly. IF I get this job today - I will be starting a new full time job in January - PLUS just bought my new business (which is located at the same place as the place I am interviewing at - a University but a different position) PLUS will be working my current full time job until April which requires alot of hours. So HOW in the WORLD would I have been able to handle a long distance relationship with my Ex - especially if he is an A on top of that right now??
So many things lately are coming to light lately that I would have ignored out of the true love I felt for my Ex - that I guess my HP needed to take over for me and take out of my hands. And now I have a special little unconditional angel watching over me since my dog died this past week. I cried for the first month of all of this asking myself why my Ex didnt love me - why he didnt want to talk to me, etc, etc, etc. But now that I have gotten the distance from him - and he called my office line late last week - I realized that I was focusing so much on the fact that he didnt want me in his life and WHY - that I wasnt planning for the time that I would have to listen to him again and what I would do. Someone asked me last night if I was ready for the I'm sorrys - that stopped me dead in my tracks. NO - I'm not. I would probably take him back in a heartbeat. I'd forgive him, I'd be so happy he came back, put NO boundaries on it and just let him right back into my heart. Now with ALL the work I have been doing this past month - how would that be ok??? But I still am not ready to face that challenge.
So hopefully today will be ALL about me. Hopefully the interview will go well - I'll get some important stuff done and feel good about myself. And HOPEFULLY I will not hear from him again at work today. I AM NOT READY YET.
Hooray for you for making progress! I am sure you will find the answers you need about what you should do...just hang around alanon long enough to reap more benefits! You are seeing that YOU are important, and that you need to take care of YOURSELF first. Keep up the great work!
I hope you get your job and it sounds like you are seeing the importance of being you.
I laugh every time you post. I don't know much about the muppets, but your muppet sure looks like he is smoking a joint. Isn't that terrible fo me? I guess because my mind is always on drugs when I am on this board.
I saw your share during the meeting, and felt so sad about your dog -mine is nearly 13 and starting to have trouble getting onto chairs and my bed, then she pretends she changed her mind, that is all, no stiff hips or anything silly.
I have been doing temp work for over a year, have had a couple of interviews, also, have been astonished not to be interviewed for posts for which I have the qualifications and experience. It can be a confidence zapper, but, experience tells me, they want someone younger/cheaper/more malleable, whatever, still hard not to take it personally.
Hope you get the job, can see you want it, and deserve it, and could do it - but, it only one job, maybe 3 or more applicants can do it too - trust your HP, if it meant to be, it will be!
Let us know how you get on, and good luck with swim school - I am big swim fan, learned aged 32, had been terrified up until then!
Good luck on the interview. It sounds like you have a lot going on work-wise.
I know what you mean about the "I'm sorry's." I've just entered the phase of hearing that. No way could I have been emotionally ready for it; I NEVER thought it would come. Still, whether the "I'm sorry's" are coming from an honest place or one of absolute manipulation, it does feel better to me to hear that he can even connect with the concept of being "sorry." For a long time, hearing that from him (and some confessions) would have been all I needed to run back into the relationship, but enough damage has been done to put some space there. It sounds like it is like that for you, too.
Also, so sorry about your dog. When we lose a beloved pet, even if they were old, they leave such an empty place.
Keep up the great work!
(i worship your advice)