The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello supportive friends who make my life better :)
I am back again from time at my parent's house :)
My mom is progressing (worsening) in her alzheimers but I was able to talk to her neurologist's nurse with mom's permission. She won't let my dad discuss her medications with her for some reason (part of disease). She was on levels that were too low so I convinced her lovinly to up the doses (with HPs help :) Of course I had to stay a couple extra days to do this. One situation was very hard on me. My dad was at his pool game, the table kind :) and I was taking a nap. Mom was trying so hard to make a supper from frozen leftovers which I leave for them. I cook double batches when I am there and freeze 1/2 for later on. She is not able to cook anymore :( :( She kept coming in my room and asking me which button was defrost. I finally was able to wake up. She had 2 bowls with a little food in them. She kept trying to defrost one thing and gave up and took another thing to try :( I asked where the food was? She stormed into her room saying she couldn't figure the microwave out and slammed her door. She then came out and put her jacket on, No gloves, No hat or scarf. I said, where are you going mom? She said, I am going for a walk in a childlike manner. Out she went! It was MINUS 21 DEGREES out with the windchill! I sat and thought, what is she wearing etc. I called my husband to calm myself down. She finally came back! Thank GOD! The poor thing was so cold. I was able to talk to her and comfort her. I was suppose to come home that day and of course I couldn't leave her after that. The next day is when I talked to her nurse and found out she was on too low a dose aricept and nemenda.
Well just one incident of what this horrible disease is all about! Last night at home I wanted to scream and cry, I want my mom back! Thanks to those that supported me when I came into the chatroom for help.
Not that long ago, I felt the same way about my 21 year old daughter with her alcoholism. She stormed out the door too and left to another state with her now meth selling ex boyfriend when she turned 18. Thank God she is doing the best she can now. She is suffering from severe anxiety and did call me when I was gone while she had a panic attack. For me that is a miracle for her to feel like she can come to her dad and I again for support and love. Of course, my mom will not reverse her disease but at least I still have her and my dad in my life to love and be close to now :)
I am grateful for so many things these days. I guess I need to be grateful for my feelings too. Without my feelings of despair and helplessness, I would not be able to feel love and compassion.
Well, that is my life for now and I am back to taking one hour at a time while back home. I am back and glad to be able to share and be with my friends here and read and reply to your posts (the ones I can catch up on).
When I got home the other day, I came in the house and both cats greeted me :) I held both of them for the first time in each arm and they leaned their cute little cuddly heads over my shoulder and purred in stereo! What a welcome that was! Let's all be grateful for the small things this holiday season. My husband raged when I got home and other crap happened. But hey, my life is way better than last year! I am a changed person with alanon now and the program does work if we work it! Love, cdb :)
good to see you back (((cdb))) very glad to hear you are feeling your feelings. i know it is hard to deal with your mother's disease but am glad to hear you are spending time with her and enjoying your time. memories may fade but the love is always there. happy holidays to you and your family tc
__________________
stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
I sure hope you are doing as good as you can now too :) I think of you often and am wishing you all the best! You sure have your plate full now too. Keep on posting and reaching out. (((((((((nsn))))))) your friend in recovery, cdb
hi u cdb - my hopes r u can c the good of the visit! My sis and I drive from different loactions here in az to visit our ma's grave site. It is flipping cold up at the elevation I live (Flagstaff) and she had 2 drive up from the Tucson area (warmer climes). We had an awesome visit. We speak of the other family member's in an as healthy way as I know - I'm still trying to get everyone to alanon and who knows - one day it may b! Great share - t y - oceans of love, \/\/ille
(((((((Wille)))))) Oceans of love backatcha wille :) Oh , I remember my days in Flagstaff when I use to live there. I know the people here helped me see that at least my mom/dad are still alive. My heart goes out to you and ty for being such a good/compassionate/onionbreath friend :) cdb
I am grateful for so many things these days. I guess I need to be grateful for my feelings too. Without my feelings of despair and helplessness, I would not be able to feel love and compassion.... When I got home the other day, I came in the house and both cats greeted me :) I held both of them for the first time in each arm and they leaned their cute little cuddly heads over my shoulder and purred in stereo! What a welcome that was! Let's all be grateful for the small things this holiday season. My husband raged when I got home and other crap happened. But hey, my life is way better than last year! I am a changed person with alanon now and the program does work if we work it! Love, cdb :)
Yes, yes, yes!!!! The small things...being able to see them and appreciate them. How I love seeing the small changes and how this program works. Happy Holidays to you too ((((cdb))))! Glad you are here!
Luv, Kis
__________________
Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
I am glad you got to spend precious time with your Mum and Dad. Alzheimers takes the dignity away from those you love. You are helping Mum to maintain it by still allowing her a degree of independence. Thinking of you and yours. Luv Leo xx
Ty leo for your reply. You are so right on the dignity thing. And, mom does get alot of independence when I am with her. Somehow, I am able to make it seem like she is doing the cooking even though she is just helping a little. My teaching skills seem to come out and I feel very blessed that I have alot of patience. I use to work with kids with emotional and behavior problems and the techniques I used with them works really well with the alzheimer symptoms too. Ty again for your support :) cdb
Welcome back! I was wondering where you had been. Glad to year you got to spend some quality time with your parents. Time is so precious, you have to hold on to the moments. I'm flying off to see my mum on the 16th for 4 days. Wish I could spend Christmas with her (and her 65th birthday on Christmas eve), but of course I have to be here with my kids for Christmas. I honestly feel this will be my mum's last Christmas on this earth so am hoping for a good visit.
Nothing like a warm greeting from our pets is there. They're always happy to see us, no matter what we say or do, they never judge, they never talk back, they just give us unconditional love. I could learn a thing or two from them, that's for sure.
So you've given an update on your parents condition, now how are you? I know visiting an ill parent can take a huge told on a person mentally as well as physically. I hope you are taking care of you.
I have only been in meeting chat a few times with the move & all & seem to get booted when I'm there, so I'm glad for your update. I'm sorry for your sadness in visiting your parents - must be so hard. It's like an early grieving/letting go of them kinda like you had to let go of your daughter. Not fair. Not fair how we have to let go of people in life sometimes. Well, I'm glad to hear you have an attitude of gratitude. I'm also counting some blessings these days, or trying to - I have a roof - I hesitate to say it, because I see water stains on it (he, he), but today I have a roof over my head - ha. I may see you in chat if I don't get booted. Take care.
cdb...welcome back. I'm sorry for all that your going through but I'm happy to hear that things are better for you with the help of those small things and your program !
Bob
__________________
You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Thank you bcanuck, cedarpines and bobump for your replies. It just amazes me how supportive people are here! Bc, I wish you all the best visiting your mom. I know you have been wanting to see her for a long time. Cedarpines, those waterstains will someday be taken care of. Just persist and do what you need to :) Bobump, I am amazed you can find the time to reply to posts with the busy life you have and in what a great dad you are too :) Wishing you all the best too. I am trying to take care of me one hour at a time. Babysteps now and just putting one foot in front of the next. your friend in recovery, cdb :)
Hi Cdb..thank you for all your support both here and in chat, means a lot to me..My mom too had the earliest alzheimer's signs too. She would go through stop signs while driving, forgot the recipes when she was cooking, she would get so upset she couldn't get things straight. I felt so bad for her. She stopped going shopping with me..and that was always a fun time in our lives..knew something was terribly wrong...My brother who shared the house with her, was supposed to be looking after her, but I think it was the other way around, in her dementia, she stopped going to the dr, I didn't know this, and probably had been having heart problems all along..my brother didnt tell me this either. I understand the frustration you must be going through..Mom bought auston(my son) a lot of birthday gifts but several were the same ones..she had wrapped and forgotten what she had bought . She had a severe heart attack , one morning, of course my husband was out of town at white water rafting in W.Virginia, I found a ride up to where she was in the hosp, and spent the nite alone with her:, of course it was an hr and a half away....she lived for 24 hrs...I was able to talk to her and tell her I loved her, and that was a gift from HP, I think. I would give anything to have her back though. She was my best friend, and I hated seeing her so confused and lost. But I still had her. Now my brother has gone to join her. I wish they were both here, and wish they had been normal...that all these bad things hadn't happened to them both. Ours is not to know why. But I consider all thing positive, and Im glad I had some good times with them when we did have good times! Stay strong in your faith..there is more and more research done on these diseases all the time..and different meds to help..mom didn't live long enough to be able to try these, but it is good there is time for others...take care, and thank you for your sincere and kind support for all the rest of us...love and prayers to you...kat
Thank you so much for the post. You do understand the pain that I am feeling. There is just something more to it when it is our mom. It sounded comforting to me to know that your brother is now with your mom. This earth may have just been too much for them and where they are now has the peace and comfort they so deserve. Your friend, cdb
:, of course it was an hr and a half away....she lived for 24 hrs...I was able to talk to her and tell her I loved her, and that was a gift from HP, I think. I would give anything to have her back though. She was my best friend, and I hated seeing her so confused and lost. But I still had her. Now my brother has gone to join her. I wish they were both here, and wish they had been normal...that all these bad things hadn't happened to them both. Ours is not to know why. But I consider all thing positive, and Im glad I had some good times with them when we did have good times! Stay strong in your faith..there is more and more research done on these diseases all the time..and different meds to help..mom didn't live long enough to be able to try these, but it is good there is time for others...take care, and thank you for your sincere and kind support for all the rest of us...love and prayers to you...kat