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Hi - I'm new to this site but not to the program. I have 40 months in Al-Anon but don't currently have a home group. A little background: I have been married to my 'A' for 10 years. He has no intention of recovery at this point and I have found what serenity is possible with that, so I have no intentions of leaving. We have reached a mutual agreement regarding most aspects, even the sexual part, of our relationship. And while the sex isn't the red hot, spontaneous ideal, it works for us. We make a 'date'. I'm a night person, so he drinks a bit less in the evening, showers before bed and we don't try too hard at an orgasm for him. Then in the morning, before any alcohol, he has his chance at satisfaction.
Here is my question: Foreplay is a problem due to the rash I get anywhere he puts his mouth on my body, particularly the breast area. This is his favorite part of our evening dates. But by the next morning I have a red, burning, itching rash, and have trouble enjoying the repeat performance. I think it is caused from the yeast in the alcohol, but don't really know. I haven't talked with him about it yet, hoping someone could share some experience to help me resolve the issue. As many spouses of 'A's know there is precious little to truly enjoy in the physical relationship with a active alcoholic, and I am hesitant to eliminate this one.
If any one has a share on this issue, I would love to receive your experience, strength and hope. Thanks, StacySCW
I never had anything like happen to me, so can't help you there. Why don't you mention it to your doctor? It may be something as simple as the soap he using, too - not necessarily the alcohol. If you fear that your doctor will be judgemental, try not to be. I have found, with most doctors, there is nothing we can say that will shock them - they've heard it all. What they don't like is people withholding information that may be important, out of shame or squeamishness. A doctor who is shocked or judgemental - well, this is a god sign that you need a different doctor!
stac, great share - is he getting enough veggies in his diet? veggies help stabalize a person's p h balance. r u getting enough veggies in ur diet? I constantly go to here - my health food store and have a spectrum of herbs that help me keep my balance. eat ur veggies, k? gentle paths n light n love to all, \/\/ille I am proud of u hanging with the a! \/\/ille
If it were me, I would see my doctor. I once had a rash and it was caused by something else. I found out that our body (by dermatologist) will produce rashes to show that something else in our body may be going on. Don't mean to scare you, but sharing my experience. At the time I had walking pneumonia and that is why my body finally got a rash/hives. We need to take care of us. Keep us updated. ((((hugs)))) cdb
Thanks for the input. I haven't mentioned it to my doctor, (I don't really have a regular doc). Usually when I go to a doctor it is for an acute problem that needs immediate attention and that's where my mind is. I always think of it later.
As for the veggies, I do prepare a balanced meal every night incuding veggies, (mostly for our two kids). Getting him to eat it is another story. If I get it ready between the beer and the burbon, he will eat. If he's had his first 'cocktail', I can just pack it in. I eat veggies everyday but don't ever hit the 5-a-day mark. I take vitamins to make up the short fall, I hope. Are there any, (veggies or vitamin) in particular that will help with the pH balance?
Thanks again, StacySCW
P.S. Is posting a poem related to alcoholism/alanon okay here? I don't want to do it if this is not the proper forum for it. Thanks
This is a very simple response to your question, but my first thought was, could the rash be a whisker rash? You could have a particularly sensitive skin. Or is your partner freshly shaven?
I have been married to my husband for almost five years and noticed a break out in a rash. It can be on my neck, arms or breasts. I thought I was allergiv to him for a long time. Then I thought that maybe it was his whiskers. I noticed that when he thinks he might get lucky, he shaves in the shower and that's when I get the rash. He's tried different shaving creams, but that doesn't help. It definately has to do with my husband shaving though.
I'm glad you both make time for intimacy. I am angry at my husband because whenever he smokes crack and comes home he wants to be intimate and I am certainly not in the mood. The other night he begged so much I finally gave in and was angry at my body for responding and was angry at him for not respecting me when I said no.
Anyway, back to your problem. Try to go to the county health department or urgent care. Maybe even call your local pharmacy.bGood luck
I was thinking too, it sounds like a whisker rash...stubble can irritate your delicate skin, in the areas you mentioned. Does he shave before? Could be soap or ph balence off a little? I understand what you are saying..usually the last thing couples give up on is their sexual intimacy...it's good to keep it going on. When you have lost that, then it's hard to get trust and intimacy back..good luck in solving your problem..Maybe trying different soaps or putting lotion on between times..this winter is hard on the skin too, dries it terribly. Try a fragrance free soap, like dove or ivory, or avoid some of those germ killing soaps, they actually are hard on the skin, and may make rashes worse, if you already have one. Well, hope this helps and thanks for mentioning it..may help others having the same problem..!
If it where me I would go and see an allergist. They might be able to test for your reaction to yeast and as others have said it might be something as simple as his soap or even just sensitive skin on your part. Why not try a lotion like Aveeno extra strength or something of the such. Most Doctors have heard it all and won't be suprised.
Great topic. I actually know the rash you are talking about. I don't know if its caused by the "a" perse, but certain things trigger it. If I switch soaps, body or laundry soap it flares up. If this is an intense burning and itching rash, it could be too much yeast that you are producing. I would talk to your doctor about what he/she thinks. A good walk-in clinic or dermatologist could diagnose it too. For me it's a yeast infection on my body. I use Nystatin cream that seems to work well and stay with mild soaps and detergents. Someone told me applying yogurt to the skin will also work. I hope you get some answers or at least a good direction on where to go for help. Good Luck!!
Twinmom~
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