The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i just got off the phone from my "A"....ex boyf who insists we are still a couple and we are just going throu a bad patch!!!! yea right! we had an arguement...
petty words were exchanged and then a heated arguement ensued ending up in a full blown screaming match....if i had been next to him..i think id be brought up for his manslaughter by tomorrow!
basically he asked how i was...i told him i was fine
he asked had i been out? i said not this week because im sick. but next week i have 4 nights out of the house coz i have been invited to dinner and have 2 work xmas parties.
his response: "HUH....didnt take long for you to forget me...did it? who are you going with? to where> what time will you be back from those places at? im thinking of coming out of rehab this week..its doing my head in..."
i swear to god i let rip...told him what i did was none of his business anymore and that he had all his slappers to go back to. he said "im sick of this s**t, how many times do i have to tell you i wasnt unfaithful to you....jeez you make me so mad when you say that im not listening anymore"
to which i replied...."why do you ring me so...when you know thats the kind of response you get. i dont BELIEVE YOU....AT ALL...SO YOUR WASTING YOUR BREATH.
then he roared and hung up.
OH LORD..give me strength...im sooo full of anger and im ma at the world....why can i not let that go......we have broken up 3 months ago.... i thought time was a great healer...in my case its making me worse.
I'm sure someone will be along soon with great advice but for now try to remember - It's this rottendisease that is "twisted" not those who suffer from it.
Also, sounds to me, like he is not really into his program yet.
I discovered the most amazing thing years ago while going through a divorce from my first husband, he would suck me in to his craziness (yes he was an A) we would spend time arguing about what he did and what I did......one day I discovered, I didn't have to answer his calls, I didn't have caller I.D. back then, so if I answered and it was him and he started in.....I would hang up and turn the ringer off for an hour or so. Hang in there, don't allow yourself to get sucked in. If you are not together with him what you do is only your business.
and besides, to defend what is left of "male credibility" in this world, I would say that alcoholics are twisted, as opposed to "men"..... (my wife acted similarly, when she was using).
But point taken, and it IS frustrating, for sure....
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
My A is in program (supposedly) and he did the same. Told me I didn't care anymore and that he was hurting. I let him know I was sorry for his hurt and directed him to talk to someone else about it, because I could no longer be the one he goes to. It's over. (yes, i'm sad) He continued to talk and talk until I finally said, I've got to hang up now. The more he would talk, the worse I would feel about myself-b/c he was manipulating and confusing me. He asked me if I was seeing someone else. I also was given a huge guilt trip for going out on a couple of dates while my A and I were broken up. I gave him many many chances, even in sobriety. I know he tried best he could, but the stuff that was unacceptable to me was still there. Broken promises, intimacy issues, blaming. I pray that he can use his program and let go. I do not need to feel worse than I already do by talking to him. There is still about 20% of me that still cares and wishes things were different, so i find it hard to not take that call, but I need to let go too. I'm working on it.
Take care of yourself (((rebecca))) and do what's right for you.
