The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go </OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=1271>.
Asking for Help
It's okay to ask for help.One of the most absurd things we do to ourselves is not asking for the help we need from a friend, a family member, our Higher Power, or the appropriate resource.We don't have to struggle through feelings and problems alone. We can ask for help from our Higher Power and for support and encouragement from our friends.Whether what we need is information, encouragement, a hand, a word, a hug, someone who will listen, or a ride, we can ask. We can ask people for what we need from them. We can ask God for what we need from God.It is self-defeating to not ask for the help we need. It keeps us stuck. If we ask long and hard enough, if we direct our request to the right source, we'll get the help we need.There is a difference between asking someone to rescue us and asking someone in a direct manner for the help we need from him or her. We can be straightforward and let others choose whether to help us or not. If the answer is no, we can deal with that.It is self-defeating to hint, whine, manipulate, or coerce help out of people. It is annoying to go to people as a victim and expect them to rescue us. It is healthy to ask for help when help is what we need."My problem is shame," said one woman. "I wanted to ask for help in dealing with it, but I was to ashamed. Isn't that crazy?"We who are eager to help others can learn to allow ourselves to receive help. We can learn to make clean contracts about asking for and receiving the help we want and need.
############oh i was terrified to ask for help...like i had to do it ALL on my own , in my head anway......i did for others, but to meet my needs???? i got left behind....now its a diferent story......now i can SHARE my feelings/ problems/ and struggles......its freeing...AND it is making my relationships better
##########and i do ask my HS too, i can't get hugs from HS, but i can find someone usually to give me one, and i am not afraid to ask....i just ASK.......i really don't ask my HS for anything but courage to change the changeables.....cooperate NON resist the unchangeables.....wisdom for the diference......
######## i know when i do not accept ALL parts of me, i am not accepting me....that means my back, my finances, my being alone, my parts that i fought....i am learning to accept ALL of me.....QUIT fighting and resisting the parts i don't care for.....COOPERATE with my life chart........i think at LEAST case scenario, it will ease if not go away.....
#########i know i am my own rescuer....i and my higher self....thats IT....i can get help, but i ask for help to help myself.....not rescue...i used to do that...but now???? i know that ONLY i and my higher self within can do that......another person cannot , it is not their job to do that......i have to take care of my own crap, just like they do...i give/receive support/ encouragement/ help in the way of a *boost* but in the end???? i gotta do it....i gotta *make it work* the best way i can....i am NOT alone, but i must make my OWN karma here on earth...noone can do it for me.........
Today,
I will ask for help if I need it - from people and my Higher Power. I will not be a victim, helplessly waiting to be rescued. I will make my request for help specific, to the point, and I will leave room for the person to choose whether or not to help me. I will not be a martyr any longer by refusing to get the help I deserve in life - the help that makes life simpler. God, help me let go of my need to do everything alone. Help me use the vast Universe of resources available to me.
Thanks Rosie for the reminder. I usually just sit and wait for someone to see my pain. For the physical it is hard to not have my husband around to hug me every day like he use to. But I will find someone to hug. But I need to ask. I don't want to stay a victim either.
I read once - on my search to understand "the meaning of life" a quest I started on, after I tried to kill myself in 9th grade, I was 15. I had shut my feelings down at 8 years old.
One day I started to cry & my mother said to me, "you look so beautiful when you cry" - well this sent me internally into a rage. I told myself consciously "I'll never cry in front of her again!"
Well all of my feelings shut down, I didn't realize it at the time but it was like I froze them or they all froze. So by the time, I went to a private hospital for suicide, there I am with my Ray Ban's on in group... they say, I'm hiding wearing sunglasses (wtvr, I have astigmatism & the light hurts my eyes, I wear my sunglasses as much as possible) so next day, no sun glasses
When I finally do open up in group, which we had twice a day... I am telling some stroy, guess I'm starting to yell... everyone says, you're angry, "NO, I'M NOT!!!" talk about being out of touch, so I had to "learn" my feelings all over again.
I have been an open book, willing to talk & express myself "in the moment" ever since.
And I figured out our purpose for living pretty soon after that, which was to experience love & know God, which I later realized were the same energetically.
You are right - only we can change ourselves, I find often, that asking for help, is just kind of like bouncing ideas off someone... lots of times just talking about it helps u see an answer. I talk out loud to myself - dunno if it's an only child thing (or a crazy thing) but if I say, "now where did I put that?" & I see it! like the Universe responds or is helping me along.
I remember my mother-in-law asking me, "aren't you ashamed?" I dunno if she meant about her son or cuz I was talking about it but I sd, "No, shame went out with the 1950's!"
I can remember my 4th grade math teacher saying once, 'the only dumb question is the one not asked' which helped me ask a lot more questions & feel good about it, math was difficult for me.
Dunno why & if any of that helped but that's what your post brought out!
love ya kid! -KLF
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
