The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My older brother had breast cancer 5yrs ago. Recently his calcium bloodwork came back elevated. The doctors checked with thyroid & parathyroid which came back okay. They are doing a bone scan tomorrow.
"A" husband had his left kidney removed this past August due to cancer. His ctscans showed lumps on his thyroid. He's going this coming Mon for a thyroid fine needle aspiration.
Im the type that projects into the future. Will there be bad news? etc
Im also dealing with the fact that my younger brother (A) does not want to celebrate Christmas.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. 7 years ago I lost my mother to ovarian cancer, I was her sole caretaker from 24-28. It is a terrilbe disease and her loss has had a tremendous impact on my life. I spent the first few years paralyzed by the thought that I too would succumb to the same fate (my maternal grandmother died of a gynocological cancer as well)....My gyn was wonderful with me and sat me down and said "I will not have you walking around convinced that you are going to die of this disease.....there is such a thing as self fufilling prophecy"...So, I dropped it. I go regularly for internal sonograms and hope that one day there will not only be a better treatment but also a screening. I also decided that God will hand me whatever he has for me...if I do have it, well I'll fight like hell. (just as my mother did). Projecting into the future only gets us into trouble is my point. We need to live life today. Love your brother and pray. We are all praying with you.
Hello Barbara , cancer is a terrible word always makes us think the worst . My husb survived 3 cancer episodes in 5 yrs all were very tramatic for me. But luckily he survived them all and is now 5 yrs clean from any cancer.
Pray and take care of yourself everything that can is being done for your husb and brother by proffesionals, they need us to be strong for them , take care of yourself lots of meetings talk with friends about your fears -
I finally discovered what Al-Anon had been trying to tell me for yrs with our last go round with cancer it's what a disease does to me , wether it be alcoholism or cancer , I become the watcher always waiting for the other shoe to fall, I hover and try to over do and my husb hated that , trying to act normal was so difficult for me as I am sure it is for you. I found that page in our ODAT taht said to remind myself to just carry on .
The " what would I be doing right now if this weren't happening" helped me to j ust keep putting one foot in front of the other and do what had to be done.
As to your other brother who does not wish to celebrate Xmas there is nothing u can do about that either. Some times if we stop bothering them they just somehow turn up anyway. and remember the more u try to open someones eyes , the more they close thier ears.
I had cervical cancer at 19, told me I would never carry kids due to the 3 surgeries. Ha! I carried twins! I had a stroke at 31, not expected to survive, here I am 7 years later living life one day at a time sometimes one minute at a time! Had a melt down with my doctor last week, we decided I can be depressed and worry or get busy living!
josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what is wrong with life that I can't see what is good. However, I have taught myself to identify that and learned to ask HP (God to me) for help not staying in that place.
I think that it is okay to feel the sadness and fear of what can be, but it is not okay for me to dwell on it, and let those feelings rule my life. When I do that, I miss out on so much that is good.
God will help me through anything, all I have to do is ask.
Yes, cancer does suck. But all these people are walking their own life path. We can only love them and pray for them. It's easy to get of the mindset that these things are happening to you, because it does affect you, but only emotionally. Becauseof hurricane Katrina my favorite Aunt was living in a Walmart parking lot while needing a heart transplant. My daughter was having unexplained stroke like symptoms and seizures. My first thought was "why is this stuff happening to me?", my second thought (when Alanon kicked in) was, It's not. I could worry, project, get upset, internalize it...or I could hand it over to my HP and trust that whatever is happening or does happen is in his hands. Naturally I was very concerned and shed tears..but realized too that I am powerless.and fretting and fearing was pointless. I spent my time praying instead.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Aron