The material presented
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I'm not sure if it's typical but I do know it happens often enough. Heck even my wife while not normally voilent struck me outside the bank after having to open her own account.
If you haven't put yourself first yet or before, if he is violent there is no time for you to wait. Your physical safety is first and foremost. Remember that. Remember the 3C's. You certainly didn't cause it and you do not deserve the abuse. Safety and self preservation first and foremost !
Prayers,
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
I have sat in many face to face meetings and heard about how as the drinking got worse then the violence started.
In my case, my husband went after me when I stuck to my bounday of not getting more booze. I ran and locked myself in the bathroom and he crashed into the wall.
Pack a small bag of your stuff you will need and hide it.
Can you stay with friends, family, the womens's shelter?
BE SAFE
Megan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
I have to agree, it's not unusual, but the important thing is taking care of yourself. Do you want to get into the same old "offend, remorse, reoffend" cycle with this? Unless something changes, that is what will happen. For me, the beginning of the violence was what I needed to make some changes. It was very gradual, and never did get very far - started with grabbing my arm, then shaking me, shoving me. I realized that it was just a matter of time, and not so much time either, before he slugged me. I don't know how serious things are at your house, but if you need to get away in order to be safe, please do. You are worth taking care of. Remember - nothing changes unless something changes.
Yes it is common for someone who has an addiction to get violent. My husband when he is drinking or using he does get very violent. When I wouldn't listen to him on the phone he broke the cell phone in a middle pieces. He also that day broke the house phone. He has tried to break down the door to where i am by kicking it.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
Yes, violence is certainly progression of the disease. My husband often got angry when I stuck to my boundaries, tried to talk sense into him or for various other little reasons no one but he understood.
I agree with another post, pack a bag and hide it. I hide money in a box of tampons. That's one palce men generally won't think to look. Start doing things to protect yourself now. Safety is first. I even bought phone cards and Wal-mart gift cards for myself and hid them at a friends so that I had them if I had to leave in a hurry. Please don't try to engage him when he has the potential for violence. be safe!!!
Have a back up plan if you need to get yourself out of the house. Contact a women's shelter to let them know what is going on and then you are prepared in advance if you fear for your safety. Luv Leo xx
I don't know whether violence is a "typical" progression. It's probably more like, "some do and some don't." Either way, it's time for one of you to go. NOW!! The violence can escalate so quickly, and you end up getting really hurt or worse. NO ONE could expect ANYONE who is being physically harmed to stick around to see what happens next. Please, please take care of your safety. With concern, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I don't think violence is part of the progression, either a person is violent or not. That's neither here nor there. What is foremost important is that you are protected. If you can't get out immediately, make a plan to do so. Call police ASAP, document the abuse As suggested, call a women's shelter or friend and make pre-arrangements.. You can also hide a suitcase with clothes and essentials (friends house, trunk, etc). Have hidden keys made to your home and car in case he gets yours so you can leave/return.. Stash money away.
Violence almost always escalates.
Take care of yourself, please Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Although I certainly don't want to interfere with anyone doing whatever they feel they must in order to be safe, I think I ought to point out that in many places, if you phone the police to report physical abuse, it is quickly taken out of your hands. Here, if the police are called in, and they find any evidence of physical abuse, charges WILL be laid, whether you want to lay them or not. This is probably a good thing, in the long run, but many of us are not at the point where we are willing to lay charges against a spouse, however much that spouse may deserve it.
I agree very much with the idea of having a bag packed. I had a bag for years in the trunk of my car, with stuff for both me and the kids, and some money. If necessary, I could get out, all I would need to grab would be the kids and my keys - even had a spare set of keys hanging by the back door if I didn't want to wait and grab my purse.
I am sorry it is like this for you –you may be mourning the fact that your relationship has come to this, I wish you well and offer your some hope -To let you know you are not alone and there is no shame –but you have the ability to change it. Also very important is knowing you did not cause this – his behavior is his responsibility.
If I may offer you some insight from my own experience and only my opinion.
Please understand and know abuse in any form is not love – it took me awhile to fully grasp this idea. Noone has a right to place a hand on you. Whether or not it is a result of his drinking to me is a moot point although substance using thrown in makes it worse. When abuse is involved all bets are off.
It is unacceptable period. You are valuable –priceless. From my experience, sadly it does escalate, the guilty party may be ever so sorry the next day, there may likely be a next time, You can hope and pray but they will not get better -that is the abusers decision to seek help. The eggshell feeling may remain.
You need to look after number one –you will have the strength to get through this.
To keep yourself safe, have a “just in case plan”
Pack an overnight bag –keep it hidden and ready to go -the usual extra keys, any medications, phone numbers on hand etc.
Contact your local authorities, tell them, you may not wish to press charges but keep them in the know. They should also have information for your nearest womens shelter and or a womens center (they may be able to place you with counseling)
Do tell your family doctor and or your ob/gyn. They too should know about this and will have a confidential record for you (very important)
If you live in the US here’s the number of the Domestic Violence Hotline General Information: 800-799-7233.
I am so glad you found al-anon, remember your safety is number one. I put it like this, God, (my HP) would not want to have one of his children suffering. Please keep us posted along the way. Tracey
Under no circumstances is violence an acceptable behavior! Tracey gave you a great number for the hotline. By all means use it!
I use to teach a class at Univesity called Human Violence, and domestic violence was a big part of it. It doesn't matter what the cause is. It doesn't matter who's doing the violent act. What matters, is YOUR SAFETY!
The bottom line is, if there is any hint of danger you feel: GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE IMMEDIATELY! So often the victims of these crimes, much like a rape victim, feel like it's their fault. We all know that it's not. Please, please, please, I beg you to get help. If some of the local agencies turn a blind eye, then go to a different one. Tell everyone you can about what is going on. That's important. For if it ever comes down to a "he said, she said" you will have back up, and written record. That's why Tracey is right about talking to your doctor.
TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK. BE SAFE. DO NOT LET THIS MAN CONTROL YOUR DESTINY. DO NOT BECOME A VICTIM OF HIS DISEASE. THIS IS ABOUT YOUR SAFETY, AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.
We're here for you.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
There is no "linear progression" to the disease. What matters is that you take care of yourself. No matter what happens with him, you have the right to be safe.
