The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband got up our of the blue this evening and went to an NA meeting. I was very surprised and pleased. I tried not to make too big of a deal of it, but did tell him I am proud of him. He feels that he has to do certain things to make me happy so I won't leave again. He also knows that the children don't want to be here because he is here. My son couldn't tolerate the chaos and my daughter likes being at her dad's because she has three sisters there so there are other kids to play with.
Anyway,
I am very excited that hubby is at a meeting, but am not getting my hopes up that he will work a program or work one for any length of time. I think he may be trying to do it because he knows he needs to be clean when I fight for custody of my two big kids.
Powerless you keep your eye on your program and not his. You be cautiously optimistic with your hubby, if he is doing it for the kids and not for himself, the final outcome may not be good.
You think things through and take your time! Remember it is in our HP's time not ours.
josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Even if it goes nowhere in the long run, you can enjoy the clean and sober evening right now. Also, for me, so much of the misery of his addictions was the doubt that I would feel about our love, about our commitment, and all that. I would feel sometimes that I was just pouring all of my love into the bottomless pit of a man who really didn't give a sh**. To me, a sign that he really did care, even if he was not really capable of making all the changes necessary to get better, made it easier to bear. It's easier to view him with compassion, and get that 'detach with love" thing going, if there is some sense that he is at least trying, and is loving us the best he can. It's all part of not deluding yourself, to my mind.Turning him into a monster in my own mind was as much a departure from reality as was pretending nothing was wrong. What he really is is a sick man, with a very destructive disease.Maybe he will get better, really, and maybe he won't, but he is not a monster.
Congratulations on your hubby going to a meeting. It can get pretty tough sometimes wanting the best--sobriety for your a, but trying to not get our hopes up! I think I am one of the worst where this is concerned. I try to tell myself be happy with the good days!!! He is sick and every day may not be good, but I can love the days that are!!--Granted I do not always succeed at this. Especially after we have had a few sober weeks and then he falls--I tend to get upset and feel used and frustrated. But today I choose to leave him in my HP's hands for they are far bigger and stonger than mine!!! If he stays sober today I will be ecstatic!!! and if not I will be sad, but I will enjoy the great days!!!
