The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, my Christmas tree is up.....listening to "Rat Pack Christmas" I celebrated my first tree alone. It was sad at times but for the most part I enjoyed the fact that I did it all myself. My A called during dinner. Wanted to know if we were ever going to see each other again. I really didn't knowwhat to say. I basically told him that his actions are not showing me anything at this point. I'm tired of the "poor me's" and the manipulations and the quicker he gets that through his skull the better off we will both be. I told him that I had put up my tree and was trying enjoy it. Said my parents were going to come help me, but I did it myself and I was happy about it. He asked if we could see each other for the holiday. I said that I thought that that would be impossible, being that I have plans for Christmas Eve and Christmas. That how would he intend on that happening after all he hasn't seen or spoken a word to my parents or family for almost four months. He said to me that after all I used to complain about not having anyone (when I was in my poor me's)....that in the end it is he who has nobody. No tree, nobody to offer to help him with one....no plans for Christmas. Well, again...it would have been easy for me to tell him to go ask one of his little girlfriends to spend the holidays with him....but I didn't. I just merely stated that i did my tree for myself and he could do the same. We both know the reason he has nobody....he has burnt every bridge. His sister will have him, I', sure of it so I am not feeling so bad. I on the other hand, am relying on those around me....friends, family and this board. He says he is realizing what he has done and he is miserable. Well, yeah. Do I feel compassion for him? At this point, yes. It is sad that he is where he is. It is sad that his addiction is paramount to everything. He says talking to me makes him more depressed. I said that I think it's best then that we don't speak for a while. He said we'll take it day to day. I'm fine with that. Each day I get stronger. Each day my boundaries get firmer. Each day my HP grants me strength.
Start yourself a new tradition, go out and buy one new christmas ornament. I did that from the first xmas after my separation and I now have 4 beautiful crystal angels. It is a bit of an extravagance, but it is for me!
You are doing so well and getting stronger every day. You are giving yourself the best Christmas gift of all...yourself. You are also gaining peace and freedom. I am so proud of you. Light that tree every night and while you are sitting admiring it, admire yourself and know that you are wonderful!
And each day, it would appear, you are getting more clarity on the "what" of your situation, of how sick he is, and how manipulative his disease is.... All great stuff Kim.... .kudos to you for all the work you are doing these days...... on you!!
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
