I have been reasing the book SELF MATTERS by Dr. Phil.  I have been doing the book work along with the step work.  I have been having a very difficult time reliving things best forgotten.  I am running through all of the feelings of abandonment. doubt, fear, confusion, hopelessness and helplessness, shame and humiliation.  It is taking me a long time to do the book work for Self Matters.  in fact, it's harder than the steps because it brings back the pain so fresh.  It's like I am having to relive everything all over again.  Over all, I am becoming stronger and through this book I am gaining a better understanding of myself, my environment and the pain I am in today.

I am starting to feel strong enough to really examine myself and my life.  Through this new understanding, I feel better able to change my future which will change the future of my children and maybe even my husband.  I will lead by example.  I don't want that example to be showing them how to live on self pity and using circumstances from the past letting them play the victim role for the rest of their lives.  I am a survisor and not a victim.  It's time I started acting like it.