The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you to each one of you, for responding to my post. You all helped me to feel a sense of belonging. Within the last few days, I have been going through a difficult time. It is difficult sometimes, and almost impossible for me to have a lot of self-disclosure, because of my background and trust issues. I went to an Al-Anon meeting last night, and left right after. Eventhough, I am surrounded by a lot of people, I sponsor people and help them, I am feeling sad. I feel like I should not feel what I feel. It is like I have started wearing my old mask again, and that bothers me. Not too much seems to help me to feel better lately. It is so difficult to trust people again, because I have felt betrayed in the past by people who I loved very much. As I post how I am feeling now, I feel very sad, and have tears in my eyes. I dislike complaining, yet maybe I need to. Thanks for caring, and listening, you have touched my heart.
for me "trust" is my major issue. your not alone. i too have been hurt in the past but it was the betrayal and hurt that my ex "a" caused me that im finding very hard to get over. its the worst kind of betrayal when you cant trust the person you love the most. i will have to go to f2f counselling soon becoz i cant go on like this. so many emotions building up inside me most days that i find it impossible to switch off. if you want to hear my whole story...just read my previous posts.
this was my 1st step in "MY recovery" i think it was a good idea... once i started typing i couldnt stop...the words just flowed. hang in there teddy...it does get easier..i promise. we are all a team in here... with a common cause.
No problem. Isn't that why we are here, to be there for one another? I had a really down day a few days ago and I came here and got some much needed ESH. The strength here is truly amazing, and I have learned to lean on people here as well as in my local alanon groups.
I do understand about the trust issue and the past hurts. It is something that I struggle with. I have learned to just take it one day at a time and to not put too many expectations on myself, after all I am a work in progress.
I wish I was at home, but I know there are some really great readings about feelings in A Courage To Change. I have a page marked in that book that talks about it being okay to feel the feelings that you feel, because they are yours. And it talks about embracing those feelings.
At this time I do not sponsor anyone, I do not feel ready. I have been in the program for a few years, and I also have felt that I should not be feeling a certain way because of the time I have in the program. But then I remember, progress, not perfection. I then remember that I have made progress, and I make myself look for signs of the progress I have made. Noticing that you are doing something that you used to do is progress. Awareness is progress. If we slip, the important thing is to not beat ourselves over it, learn from it, and then continue on in our journey of recovery.
Keep coming back, we are here for you.
Much Love,
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
The trust issue is still the hardest and always will be. It is opening your heart up again to vulnerability. It is okay to cry Teddy. Let it all out and keep posting to us. Our situations, ages etc may be different but we have all been brought here by a higher power to help each other heal. Luv Leo x
