The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm here decorating the tree and thinking how nice it will be to have my A sober and home for Chirstmas, he calls. His daughter whom he hasn't seen in a year called. He called back, and talked to the ex (who use to beat him) and she invited him for Christmas. I know how bad he wants to see the kids and grandchildren. He has a new grandson that he hasn't even seen. I asked him if he was sure about this, as there are issues with the family when he was drinking, and the ex. However things seem to have simmered down a bit with her anger issues. His therapist also said that you never know what will be until you face it. Well I checked into the cost of sending him down, and it's only $20 roundtrip. How can I say no to this? So it's part of his Christmas present. I checked the schedules and there are buses that run Chirtmas Eve and Day, so if he's feeling uncomfortable, he can come back.
I'll level with you, I'm feeling a bit melancholy about this. I want him to be happy and see his children and grandchildren. I know what joy it will bring him and the kids too. But I want to be part of his first sober Christmas, and be selfish. He didn't ask me to do this, I want to do this. I may be even slightly jealous that he's there. Not about going back to the family, but it's a joy that I won't be able to share with him. Last year was so hard on him not being with the family, and he really relapsed hard. But I want him home with me too! I know we can celebrate another time. I always do Russian Christmas, but I don't know. I am so proud of him. He's increasing the amount of his meetings this time of year, so that he can stay sober. He doesn't want to just sit around the apartment. He's doing everything right. But suddenly I'm a bit sad today.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I think it's a caring thing to do. I never had any issues with my A's ex and son, I am glad for this because we lost his son almost 2 years ago. This was his only child. I still have some contact with his ex and I have a lot of contact with his ex's family. They have taken to me and my boys, it is wonderful. My A bowls on league with his ex in-laws.
My ex is a whole different story, my A doesn't have any issues with him, but my ex makes no attempt to have any kind of relationship with any of his boys. It is sad. The grandchild thing is cool, I have a new granddaughter I have not seen in person yet. She is in AZ and I am in WA. Hopefully come January. You can always have your Christmas before or after his trip ya know.
Listen to your heart, you will know the right thing to do when you make a decision and you feel good inside about it.
I really empathasize with your feelings of disappointment! Why not share your mixed feelings with your hubby? Not to change his mind, or manipulate him into not going, but simply to share what you're going through? I've found it so important to be able to share my disappointment even though it means that the other person will still follow through with their plans. In fact, I often don't want them to change their plans (certainly, I don't want them to change their plans just to please me), I just want my disappointment to be heard.
