The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sometimes being the bearer of the truth is just so hard -- they always shoot the messenger.
Everyone asks for the truth but then they rip you to pieces over it... yes, the sword... I feel like I drag it around.
I would never want to hurt anyone, I would hurt myself first. It is amazing how different some of us are... I was always grovelling, doing anything to please my parents & yet it was never enough. "Why is 98% not 100%, what happened?" It is hard to let go of.
I asked her last year or earlier this yr, b4 I tried to escape in March ~ I sd, "can't u just love me, for me? Just the soul I am?"
It makes me want to revolt - so we had a misundestanding ~ she sd she nvr sd that. Great, so it's my fault that I took it wrong? or she is just cold & doesn't want to be accountable or she feels like I blame her for everything... I have always told her I adore her, look up to her, she's my role model for loving... but that isn't good enough either.
I am not doing enough or blah blah -- I just hate it.
She says, she "forgave him" the A, completely. Wouldn't she not be mad anymore then?
I just can't bear anymore criticism... 37 years & I feel inadequate, I compare myself to others, I get bent, hurt & self-destruct... I just want to sleep... could I just sleep for a few weeks?
I am so far behind in my daily affairs, so drowning in my life... I guess some days (like this one), I ought to just let up on me -- stop it all -- find a quiet place.
All the critcisms just make me want to do nothing. I mean, if ever I liked *someone* I would never bring them to my house!
I have such a long way to go....
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I found that working on me was alot of work and exhausting too. It is so worth it though and does get easier over time. I would gladly come to your house anytime and would only be there to see YOU. The kind, caring, wonderful person that you have been to me. Maybe some people cannot accept us unconditionally because they just don't know how or never learned. We can learn to accept ourselves unconditionally and parent ourselves now that we are older. That is what I am trying to do. By having friends like you who accept me unconditionally helps me to see that I am okay afterall for who I am :) I think you are okay too for just who are you, today, at this moment. There are friends who can and will accept you unconditionally and for me that has been very healing :) Thanks for being a part of my life :) cdb
You sound like you have that ACOA tape on in your head. I can identify. Can you turn that tape off for a while? Instead of shooting the messenger can you change the messages you are sending yourself?
Getting validation from others, who likely have their own issues, is often a frustrating and disappointing exercise...
The slogan that I love, is "what you think of me is none of my business", and it is a powerful tool. I believe, in our programs, we learn to love ourselves, to the point where WE like us, WE respect us, and we stop being hopefully dependant on others to 'validate' us.
I would agree, that this is way tougher when it is a parent involved, but it still boils down to our own self esteem.... If WE like the direction we are taking, if WE are happy with the person we are, or are becoming, if WE respect our own behaviors and attitudes -- who the heck cares what "they" think?
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
