The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been so wrapped up in the drama of a guy who really isnt someone I should EVER have been with in the first place - that I really couldnt see the forest through the trees. Today someone pointed out to me how lucky I have it compared to what other people go through on this site. And I feel so guilty in some ways for not recognizing it.
I chose to walk away from the potential destruction of myself when the first set of lies started happening. I chose to protect myself from being hurt and disappointed by the person I loved so deeply - but I really dont have it so bad in my life. I dont have to come home to this person or wait for him to come home when he is out getting his fix. I dont have to worry about what he is doing to himself and his child. I dont have children with this person that I have to take care of. I didnt have to stay because of financial reasons and put up with the behavior and craziness of it all. My life is still intact. I still have a job and a roof over my head - where I have roommates and friends. I still have a bank account of my own (however there isnt much in it :) ) and the ability to function normally in the world without the use of recreational drugs or alcohol to get me through it.
I do miss him - I miss the person I dated for the past year. But he doesnt exist anymore and I chose to walk away from a person I didnt start dating in the first place. I have been listening to so many of your stories and my heart sinks when I hear of the pain these people are causing in the world.
You are all in my thoughts. Those of you who decided to stay and detach, those of you who left and moved on, those of you still in pain because you dont know what to do and are grieving. You all are very special to me and I am grateful I have met you. Your stories paint a very complex picture and make me appreciate what I do have - not what I have lost.
I can relate. This brings me back to when I was brand new in the program (probably a few months new?) and one day I made the comment of how others had it so much worse than I and how I should not complain. I will share what was shared with me....
"Never minimize your own pain."
People in Al-Anon come from all walks of life, from all economic and social situations. Some are rich, some are poor, etc., etc. Does any of that matter? Not really. We all are here for one common reason.... we were affected by the disease of alcoholism. We were hurt. We were in pain. Pain is pain... it just is. Your pain, my pain, their pain.... it is all equal in that we all hurt for whatever reason. We all have the right to be here, to be heard, to get help. That is a blessing in itself I think, that we all matter equally here.
I can be grateful that my situation is not "as bad off" as another's. I can also be grateful that others here treat my situation as just as important as another's. I will say that hearing other's stories sometimes does help me too in the gratitude department, it helps me to look more realistically at myself, at my life, at what is important. I learn so much from everyone here. Thanks so much for your post!
Luv, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
Well said :) You will find this is a process too, progress not perfection. When I first came here, I don't really remember the first couple months. It is all a blurr to me. I was so frantic and upset. You are doing great! Must be the coach in you :) Keep up the good work! cdb :)
One of the things at last nights f2f that was stressed was that we are all equals.
We all have at least one qualifier, we all have our pain. Just because you realized earlier than some and had and easier escape route does NOT minimize the pain and suffering you've gone through. I've heard that many thank their HP for alcoholism as it brought them to Alanon. I can't say I'm there but I can understand the sentiment.
We both came to this board around the same time. I've seen tremendous progress and growth in you. I know you looked at my situation and thought I've had it longer and harder. I don't think that way. I share the pain of addiction with you. You stories of your experiences have certainly brought me strenght and hope.
Even if you are walking away, I hope you keep working it to get past all the past feelings and BS that got many of us in these situations. So you can work on you and continue to have a wonderful life, and to live a healthier life than was possible before these dark days.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
