The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, my A is still in his motel room but he comes to house every day. Not to stay long but it's funny. He still has not taken any of his possessions or mail with him and when he does come over, he is ever so polite, takes the garbage out. He and our son finish work about 2 hours before I do and he'll stay in the house with our two teens until just before I come home. He's called again to let me know the status on my broken car (he told the mechanic to call HIM about it), he called me to tell me to warn my older daughter to be careful coming down to our place for the holiday because a heavy snow is forecasted. He made himself some lunch and left before I got home from work. He has not had anything to drink as I expected he would. And our son invited him to Thanksgiving dinner at my mom's with us. I was surprised and my son asked if I minded. I said no, that I didn't want to be mean to his Dad at all but I hadn't been thinking about what my A was doing for Thanksgiving and I wasn't going to ask. But it was okay. It's just that he's still trying to keep his foot in the door,trying to in a way still be with us. But I did tell my son that I had told his Dad he had choice - to get some kind of support in dealing with alcoholism or I'd have to ask him to leave. He chose to leave (but is still trying to feel like he's still here!). But I am sticking to my word. And just because he thinks he's being good by not being in the house much while I'm in it and doing other stuff around here, it doesn't mean I'm having him back. He must get help like he has before but he can't stay here. In fact, after this week-end is over and my older daughter and her baby have returned to their home, I am going to ask him to get his stuff. Including all those tools in the basement. He can still come by to see the kids but with his stuff out of here,he will know I mean what I say. This has not been easy but I soooo do not want to go back to the way of living we had before. I want a real life. We'll see what the week-end brings!...jaja
Good for you Jaja, and good luck tomorrow. That is very big of you. I just booted out my NA, and he asked me if I swore on my son's head that I wanted the relationship to end. I was so pissed for him asking me such an extreme question that I of course said yes, because
#1 I meant it
#2 I don't think he would have taken me seriously otherwise (so irritating)
I do feel very bad for swearing on my son's head, I was angry and do want nothing more than for our relationship <<built on lies and a double life>> to be over. I still regret saying that and never should have said it. I pray God and my son will forgive me for what I said, and nothing bad will ever come to my son for my foolish words. God please forgive me for what I said.
Anyway, his stuff is still here too and he's been calling every day. Although, not often, as he is back staying with his ex already (he has no choice, oh wait, he promised me that would never happen... I digress) and it's only been six days. He's probably been over there since day one (afterall, she was one of the last straws the day I asked him to leave), and he's not begging to come back either, but he acts all hurt and pitiful when I have talked to him. I'm pretty hostile right now, sounds like you are handling it alot better than I. I basically told him he could not contact me from her phone or come to my house to get his things in her car. So he called and left a message from a payphone this morning and that was it. I am thinking about putting his stuff outside so I don't even have to look at him because it is so upsetting and will probably only make me more upset. I know I sound full of hatred, but I am very disappointed in how things turned out although I know this is how it has to be. I have to take care of myself and my babies, emotionally and spiritually, and I didn't feel good about myself or my choices when I was in the relationship, I feel much better and more in control of my emotional quality of life now.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make this about me. I hope you are okay, stay strong and have a great thanksgiving. You are doing the right thing.
