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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> ready to scream! someone please help me rationalize this!
Post Info TOPIC: ready to scream! someone please help me rationalize this!
Barbara


~*Service Worker*~

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ready to scream! someone please help me rationalize this!
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A's friend has been without a car since at least the summer. A has been driving roundtrip about 30miles few times a day each wknd day to bring his A friend back to our house. (His friend has no car). I told A that his car wasnt going to last if he kept doing this but of course he didnt listen. Told A I was NOT going to buy another new car was mine is fine. (Im the one who buys the cars from MY retirement. I get the new, he gets the old).


So what do I do now? IF he makes me pay for either the repair or God forbid a new car I WILL take his name off our vacation next yr and go w/out him! Remember I said he wasnt paid all those wks he was off due to surgery in Sept? Im already paying for most of Christmas! Cut the crap already!


On the other hand A had told his friend he would bring him to our house for Thanksgiving day. Do "I" now need to pick him up/bring him home? or will we have a quiet Turkey Day? Should I feel guilty if I dont get him?


 



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captcodee


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I am not responsible for the actions that the A in my life chooses to do with out my input.


If he makes promises I can't keep, I don't have to make them so.


He gets pissed off, angry, resentful, but better him carrying those nasty feelings around than me.


That is my experience :)


Aron



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marmare


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Okay when I try to rationalize...I feel crazy.....we can not control other people, nor can we tell the future...in my life I call it "future trippin" LOL you are totally stressed out about something that may or may not happen....I try to stay in the present, it's hard, I have to work very hard at doing it...but it works....as I am staying in the present, by my own force that usually means I need to set some kind of boundary.....I hope this helps.....


Hugs Mary



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Mary
Dolphin123


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Barbara,


Remember step 1 we are powerless over alcohol.


We are powerless over our "A"s, and their actions, promises, all of it.


If my "A" makes a promise to someone and it envolves my help, I make him figure out how to accomplish it. I never make promises for him, I know it will backfire. I don't care what his friends think of me, so if he makes a promise for me to do something he is out of luck. He is slowly seeing that saying his wife will help, is not a good idea.


Take care of you and do what is best for you.


Much Love,



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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> ready to scream! someone please help me rationalize this!