The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so dettached that I don't see what the point is... I don't care to be with him anymore, but I don't want to leave either. He is sick, just as I have health problems. He isn't leaving me because of it, but what is the point in living seperate lives in the same home?
josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
(((josey))) doing nothing is doing something, too. if you don't know what to do, then don't do anything. pray about it and you will eventually see a path. emphasis on eventually....sometimes it gets to me how long I sit in what I think is limbo. God's time, not mine. -Hope.
I can sooo identify. A and I have separate bedrooms. At first it started because of his snoring, then his leg twitching, then I started getting a better night sleep in a separate room. Im ready to finally make that extra room MY bedroom.
But whats the point if we're soooo detached? and I find more detachment in the future?
Josey, I too can relate. Although we aren't in seperate bedrooms, we live our lives seperately. In fact, if one didn't know my situation, they would think I was single. I go out alone, I visit friends alone. I pretty much have done everything alone for years now and I feel like I have been that way for so long that I want to be alone now in seperate houses.
I struggled with the similar situation Josey, and have no idea of the right answer.... My ex and I lived separately in the same house, "for the good of the children", who were 7 and 5 at the time I finally left.... This started about a full year and a half before she got sober, and stayed that way for a year after she got sober... I think we were 'fooling ourselves' into thinking that we were "sort of together, kinda like a real family", but the reality was there was no love, no friendship, and nothing doing with the four of us.... It was always "me and the kids", or "her and the kids"....
I eventually decided to see it for what it was, and that was a facade - my version of trying to grasp onto the proverbial 'healthy marriage'....
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
My soon to be ex and I too live in the same home,but we are apart. I asked him for a divorce a couple of years ago and we are still waiting on the paper work. All through our marrige it was mostly me and the kids going places doing things,then it was him and his job and he was stuck being he was on call all the time. Being on call ment that he could not get as drunk as he wanted so he opted to stay home and drink. What ever. Now I have a seperate life with my own friends and a boyfriend. It's all so uncomfortble,but I hope by Feb I can more out with the kids. He can keep the house I don't care, I just want my kids and he is not leaving anytime soon. I'v been a stay at home mom for most of our marriage being both of us wanted at least one parent home at all times with the kids. We felt that it would be too stressing for the kids to be shuffled to a babysitter day after day if I worked. So now I'm 42 my job skills are so rusty and no one wants to hire an old broad with little work history. I was a paralegal,but the office has changed so much that I would need to get new training to go work as one again. Anyway I spent years of my marrige alone if not all of it. I now have a best friend and a soul mate. I was so lonely for years and years trying to be the perfect mom and perfect wife. Living together yet sperate is not the way I want to spend the rest of my life, I would rather live alone than that.
Last night when my A and I were in the throes of a deep discussion about him leaving, he said to me "why put the kids thru breaking apart the family". Amazing how distorted thinking can get. I believe it is the fantasy of thinking that just because a family lives under the same roof that all is well and good.
