The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, here I am 2 in the morning. Just back from the hospital. A got his appendix out.....a long night and what a fool I was!!! Taking his belongings from the hospital his phone was there and a call to "kerri" was made Sat. night. I immediately felt as if someone had kicked me in the appendix. I of course waited til he came out of surgery. They called me into recovery I saw him briefly. I couldn't even stomach to look at him. He asked me if I was going home to get some sleep. He said I love you...I leaned in and said "kerri is coming to see you tomorrow, not me" I turned and I left. I sat in the wating room all that time thinking about what kind of excuse I could find for this. But knowing my A, I know that there isn't an excuse. I FEEL SOOOOOOOO STUPID! Sitting in a hospital for HOURS. For what? Now I know that I shouldn't have looked at his phone. I know thatthat was wrong and my own disease creeping up on me....but God, all this time thinking that it might work out.....All the talk of the holidays........I am so sick! I really just want to crawl in a hole and die! And so stupid I am still thinking that I may give him the opportunity to bullshit me again...give me some lame excuse or bully me into beleiving that I am the wrong and crazy one! Why? Why am I such a stupid fool?
You are not a stupid fool, by anyone's standard.... It would appear that your hubby has been up to no good, but all you did was trust and have faith.... Even if your worst fears come true here, it only means that HE did you wrong - not that you did yourself wrong....
He's either gonna drink/use/cheat/play victim, or he won't...... what are YOU gonna do?
It is still all about you working on you, regardless of whether or not he has done anything, or is gonna do something, or whatever...
Take care of you
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
First....slow down, don't be so hard on yourself...be gentle. Oh well, you slipped and looked at his phone....let it go....You are not stupid, sometimes we do things we shouldn't but we are a work in progress not stupid. Try to put the focus back on you....hang in there...
