The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night my A called about 10 pm. He was wondering "what was going on with us" as he hadn't heard from me in a few days. I thought he was to call me last and I told him that, as well as that I assumed that he was doing things for him as was I. The conversation went well, for me...... he sounded terrible, sad and lonely. He said that he's having a hard time being alone (at the sober house) but he was enjoying his group at treatment. We spoke briefly about it and it was a decent conversation. He said I sounded good, which I did and I felt no anxiety or anger while speaking to him. He mentioned feeling lonely "the way a man is lonely" and because I have residual feelings about that (his infidnelity and problems with our relationship in that way...or lack thereof) I stated that I did not want to discuss that issue and it was not the time. He brought up the holidays and I said that it was too soon to tell anything and that it was a long time away. Let's concern ourselves with today. He mentioned that he bought himself a pair of new boots and rather than getting mad I said that that was a good thing as he never spent money on himself on those kinds of things...that was always me....In general, I felt pretty good about how I handled the conversation. He asked if he could come Sunday and clean out the gutters on the house. I said that that would be fine. Overall, focusing on me has helped me gain some perspective with my A.
I'm glad you heard from him. Anxiety over not knowing is tough to deal with.
I was going to reply to your post last night, a comment my husband has often made to me. When I say I haven't heard from him in a while, he tells me the phone works both ways. On this issue he is right. I wasn't sure though if your husband is allowed to make calls.
It sounds like the call went well. You are doing great, and your right, deal with the Holidays when they get here.
Sounds like you did a great job on talking about things in the "now" and not getting tangled up in any future talk.And not talking about things you don't feel comfy with is a great way to take care of yourself. Just being able to say to him honestly how you feel and stay calm is a great feeling. Way to go girl
Sounds like you're doing better. I'm proud of you.
I might have missed a post, and I apologize. Does his "sober house" have a curfew? The reason I ask with regards to Thanksgiving, is because holidays can be the most dangerous time for recovering As to relapse. My A was home for Thanksgiving, but it was the first one without his kids. He was doing fine up until we were getting close to eating dinner. He was getting uptight, and decided that it was safer to go to a few meetings. So if this comes up, be flexible. Better to have him go back to the "sober house" or a meeting than do harmful things. I intend to do the same this year, eventhough he is doing much better.
Infedelity issues are hard in any marriage or relationships. It's something only you can resolve in your heart. Give it time, don't rush the answers. When we do that, often we end up with the answers we think we want, rather than what we really want. Be still and let your heart think, as my grandfather use to say.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
