You asked if you could give him the ultimatum......go to treatment or goodbye.  Sure you can, IF you're willing to follow through.  Chances are high even if you tell him that if he doesn't go to treatment than he has to move out, that he won't actually move out.  So that leaves it up to you to move out.

I understand how you are feeling, I really really do.  I remember a time when I was working my program so hard and really begining to feel proud of myself because I had set and stuck to my boundaries, I completley stopped enabling him, I always had a plan B, I did my best to live and let live.  Problem was he wasn't living, he was slowly dying.  I did my very best to stay out of his business but it was killing me to watch what he was doing to himself on a daily basis with cocaine.  One morning he came home around 8am and was so out of his mind.  My boundary was you're not allowed in the house under the influence so don't even bother trying.  It took a long time to enforce this one, I had to be vigilent and even when I was sound asleep at 3am and he'd attempt to come in all wired I'd have to stand my ground and do whatever was ncessary to make sure he didn't get in.  So by the time this particular days events occured......he knew enough not to try to come home during the night.  However here it was 8am and I honestly didn't have the heart to make him leave because he looked like he was on some type of tranquilizer or something and I honestly feared he'd have an accident.  He was mumbling so incoherently and ended up going in our guest bedroom and passing out.  I remember crying my eyes out honestly fearing that he would die that day.  I called my ex mother in law whom I'm still very close to and asked her to pray since she is considered a *prayer warrior*  We prayed together on the phone and I just kept making sure he was breathing the entire day.  It was just so very sad.

Part of me wanted to throw everything I had worked so hard on out the window and call...........someone! anyone! to come and help him.  But I knew deep down it would do no good, so prayer was my only option.  It wasn't long after that (maybe a week) when HE decided to stop using because he was afraid he was going to kill himself.  So, I do believe my prayers were answered, just not in my time, but in Gods.

He's still had a few slip up sinces then (about 8 mos now) but it really does seem that his obsession to use has been removed.  Used to be no matter how long he stayed clean, the moment he used again his obsessive compulsiveness kicked right back in and he'd be using every day in a matter of a week.

There were times when I also feared my husband would kill himself.  Either when I'd throw him out for a short time, or lose my patience and say some pretty horrible degrading things to him or when he'd just be so disgusted with himself.  Thank God he never did, but I do remember having that fear as well.

If you let it, this disease will drive YOU crazy as well as him.  That's why as frustrating as it is to be told all the things you need to do for you, when all you really want to know is how to help him........that really is what you need to hear.  How to help yourself because no matter how badly you want to help him with this addiction, you just can't.

We're all here for you, you're not alone.  Keep sharing, praying and working this program to the best of your ability.