The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've really been struggling with the whole concept of turning things over to God. It seems I'm afraid that if I do that I won't be able to micro-manage, control, and monitor the situation. LOL. But, seriously, giving up control is scary. I realized last week that while turning it over is a goal that I eventually want to reach, I don't have to force myself to hand it over if I'm not ready to yet. Forcing myself to hand it over hasn't worked anyhow. I just engage in a battle of wills with myself.
In the spirit of babysteps, babysteps, I realized that, for me, having a relationship with HP is like having a relationship with a good friend. The intimacy needs to be nurtured and cultivated. So, instead of pressuring myself to hand it all over, I've decided to share regularly through prayer what's going on in my life and how I'm feeling. And, in this way, to lean on the HP for emotional support, guidance, and nurturing and to build my relationship with HP.
I realized that, in time, I can also share this dillema with HP. I can say to HP, "I'm having a hard time turning it over, can you help me?" I don't have to do it alone.
Relatedly, as I begin to strengthen my relationship with my HP, I realize how often I have turned to my partner to be my HP. When facing huge dillemas--whether to stay or leave, for example, I have looked to my partner for guidance and answers not my HP. Now, I realize I can take these things, too, to my HP. I can ask for help directly from my HP: show me how to strengthen my boundaries, help me stand up for myself, show me how to be loving in this situation.
It feels like such a relief to know that I have an HP to draw on and who is looking out for my best interests. I do not have to rely solely on my own smarts nor do I need to rely on other people to guide me.
What an amazing post! Wow,,, so much truth that I relate to. I have been angry at my HP too at times. Thanks for this post. For me, it was very inspirational and one I needed to read today :) cdb
~~~In the spirit of babysteps, babysteps, I realized that, for me, having a relationship with HP is like having a relationship with a good friend. The intimacy needs to be nurtured and cultivated. So, instead of pressuring myself to hand it all over, I've decided to share regularly through prayer what's going on in my life and how I'm feeling. And, in this way, to lean on the HP for emotional support, guidance, and nurturing and to build my relationship with HP.~~~
Practice makes perfect my friend. I found that the more I turned to my HP in practice, the more I started doing it for "real". I had to constantly remind myself at first. I used to put a prayer in writing each day when I wrote in my journal. Eventually I found myself talking to God all day long, over simple AND complicated things.
I too turned to my partner/parents/strangers to fill the shoes of my HP. WHat a releif when things actually started to get taken care of when I used the real thing. It is like using Cotton instead of sugar for Cotton Candy, it just isn't comarable... LOL
Blue Cloud, This post really hits home for me. I have always approached my HP in a childlike way because as a young girl God was everything and I new he was watching over me and protecting me. As I got older and the disappointments and heartache came I drew closer to my HP but struggled at times to remember to communicate and bring all my problems. In times when things were going really good in my life, I gave thanks, but did not work as hard as I do when I'm troubled or crisis arises. Thank you for gently reminding me that HP is always with me whenever I need it. It truly is the best medicine and healing power I have witnessed.
Take care,
Twinmom
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
BC>>>>>>>>>>struggling with the whole concept of turning things over to God. It seems I'm afraid that if I do that I won't be able to micro-manage, control, and monitor the situation. LOL. But, seriously, giving up control is scary.
ROSIE>>>>>>>>>>>>>welcome to the crowd.....until i could really admit my defeat and accept my powerless *fighting it alone* i coulnd't get to the part, which i have JUST DONE, of turning it over.....i too, felt fear of turning it over...that meant taking my controlling hands off, and things would really spin out of control......i finally realized that "has my controlling helped me????" NO!!!!! so why NOT?????? i finally got beaten down enough that i just threw up my hands and said i can't take this anymore and i let go!!!! i call step one the *give up* step...but REALLY give up..............if i cannot accept---change........if i cannot change??? i better accept........when i feel myself fighting it???? i YELL....."God share this with me" and i YELL!!!! it helps break up the old *scary energy* that is only from my childhood, AND it scares the demons away cuz i am yelling for God....and helps me stop and think and relax AND work my program..........just my take, but hey, don't feel alone cuz you are NOT alone..........rosie
HELLO!!! I struggle with this too! I know I really have no power! I know that I can not fix everything. I know this I do, but it seems I have a hard time letting it all go. I even ask God to take it and deal with it, but then I find myself dangling in the air as He is taking it from me, but I just won't let go. YOu would think I'd learn. But I like what you said about practicing and maybe eventually i'll be able to let go too!
Aron 
