The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had a relapse today and ended up calling my sponsor. I asked her to help "talk me off of the ledge." An acquaintance told me a few weeks ago the my AH (we've been separated for almost 10 months now) was frequenting a neighborhood bar. I was under the impression that he was going to meetings and was on good path. He sounded good during our brief two conversations this month. I didn't ask if he was still drinking, but I was hopeful that he was not.
Sooooo, against my better judgement, I happened to be in the neighborhood this afternoon and drove by the bar. Sure enough, there was his truck in the parking lot. I reallly wanted to go in there and give him a piece of my mind. Then I thought about texting him and asking him where he was to see if he would lie to me or tell me the truth (neither of which would have satisfied me).
I kept circling the area, and finally parked down the road and called my sponsor. She got me to calm down and talked me through what I was feeling. She reminded me that my AH is very deep in his disease and that my checking on him or confronting him would not benefit either one of us. She also reminded me of the progress I was making by calling her before I acted on my emotions and before I abandoned my progress in practicing detachment. She asked me if I was Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (HALT) - I was three for four.
After talking and reasoning things out with her, I felt much calmer and stronger. Thank God she is in my life. I think I need to amp up to more than one meeting a week for awhile. I am a work in progress and I need to put my energies into working my program, rather than being obsessing with the alcoholic in my life. Thanks for letting me share...
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Sunday 29th of January 2012 12:41:41 PM
You are so on the right path, .. keep doing what you are doing .. sponsors are amazing people. I'm so grateful for mine.
There is no "figuring out" an addict or rationalizing the "why's" of what they do and it sounds like a cop out and it's not. They do what they do, because they are addicts and literally can't help themselves. They are STILL responsible for the consequence of their actions even though they have a disease. We just don't get to give them their consequences and there will be consequences.
I am truly starting to believe (for me) that you have to walk through the fire so to speak to burn off those the garbage that has been stuck there, and you my friend walked through the fire and trusted your instincts/HP. Pain is pain and it doesn't make it hurt less, you DO need to congratulate yourself that you did the next right thing and picked up that phone and called your sponsor.
Thinking of you, you are going to be ok and that's a good place to be, hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Good programming Green Eyes...instead of turing on your alcoholic you turned to your sponsor...That's why the program and HP puts them in our lives. ((((hugs))))
I know you were having stinkin thinkin and teetering on a relapse but the great news if you stopped and did the right thing...you did great calling your sponsor! I know when I go through hard times I try to go to meetings every single night and I also act like a stalker on this site reading every single post haha. it helps and keeps me grounded and keeps me from making a terrible mistake.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I remember this soooo well, I'd drive around looking for him too... and I'd look in his wallet.... and I'd bait him into lying so I could say, "ah HA!!
My sponsor eventually told me, "If you go looking for trouble, you are sure to find it."
Boy, was she right! I eventually stopped because I realized I was causing myself to suffer, I had all my focus on him.
I am soo impressed that you called your sponsor before you acted... go YOU!!!! It must feel good, that's the way it worked for me too, and so I would practice it again and again. Eventually I stopped doing that old behavior, it was NOT working. ((big hugs))
-- Edited by glad lee on Tuesday 31st of January 2012 03:05:54 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
That is progress. Harder to define a relapse in Alanon cuz those opportunities where you come close but don't do something negative are really the biggest signs of growth. Now that you are separated it sounds like he can own his own lies about his addiction, his own consequences... It's not like he's fooling you or getting away with anything. He is having a sucky life as a slave to alcohol. You may have spent far longer than you wanted thinking about/checking up on him, but you went out and did things today and he sat in a bar having the same old sorry excuse for a life.
The grass is not greener on the other side...Not encouraging you to feel sorry for him per say, but I am hoping to have you recognize you have more freedom and choices and are so much better off being in your own recovery. Good job using tools available to you!
You're right, Mark. It would have been better to state that I "almost or could have relapsed," but I didn't thanks to the program and my Sponsor. Thanks for your perspective.
