The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
During Hurricane Wilma I was forced to listen to radio (snortle) and happened upon a show about people who suck the living daylights out of you and why. Thought this missive would be something you might find valuable to think about and add to your arsenal of recovery data (especially for those of us who love or live with alcoholics or were raised and influenced by them). Enjoy the enlightenment!!
What is an Energy Vampire? by Judith Orloff MD (Adapted from Positive Energy: Ten Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear Into Vibrance, Strength and Love)
Relationships are always an energy exchange. To stay feeling our best, we must ask ourselves: Who gives us energy? Who saps it? It's important to be surrounded by supportive, heart-centered people who make us feel safe and secure. It's equally important to pinpoint the energy vampires, who, whether they intend to or not, leech our energy.
Positive energy in others can be rejuvenative. For instance, you're nervous about a job interview, but the minute you meet your prospective boss you relax. He's so calm and welcoming, you calm down too. Or perhaps you have a good friend around whom you always feel loved. These are energy-givers, those we must gravitate towards.
In contrast, energy vampires exude negative energy that drains. Vampires range from the intentionally malicious ones to those who are oblivious to their effect. Some are overbearing and obnoxious; others are friendly and charming. For example, you're at a party talking to a perfectly nice person, but suddenly you're nauseous or weak. Or how about the co-worker who drones on about how she broke up with her boyfriend for the tenth time? Eventually, she feels better, but you're spent. The bottom line is that on a subtle energy level these people suck you dry.
Exercise: Take an inventory of people in your life who give energy, and people who drain. Specifically identify the energy vampires, and begin to evaluate ones you'd like to limit contact with or eliminate. Plan at least one complete afternoon with people who give off positive energy and avoid drainers. Notice how this beneficially affects their physical and emotional well-being.
Judith Orloff MD is a board certified psychiatrist, a practicing intuitive, and author of Positive Energy: Ten Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear Into Vibrance, Strength, and Love (Harmony Books.) She is also author of the bestsellers Guide to Intuitive Healing and Second Sight. She's an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA, has a private practice in Los Angeles, and is an international workshop leader on the interrelationship of medicine, intuition, and spirituality. Her work has been featured on CNN, PBS, A@E and NPR. Dr. Orloff's website is www.drjudithorloff.com.
Another Hurricane Wilma friend! Will ask where you live in Florida also. But on to a great topic!
A friend mine whom I have known since High School, and a family member (she's my sister-in-law; we married two brothers out of the same family very young!), is described as, "Can suck the energy right of a room." When she walks in a door, you just "brace" yourself because you know that she will do most of the talking and direct most of the traffic, so to speak. I lovingly call her the White Tornado. Keep in mind, she is a recovering A/NA for a few years. Really has embraced her program to the nth degree. So it is not that she is a negative person or a downer to be around. On the contrary, she is very positive, supportive, a good-heart, and having a conversation with her is always interesting on some level. It's just really one-sided. You have to put yourself in the position of listener, and lucky to get a few words in here and there. Even as a teenager I learned that I could only be around her for certain periods of time and then I had to leave.
So what do you do with someone like this? After all, she is not what is ordinarily defined as a "negative influence." And, as far as my 4-year old son goes she is his fav Aunt because of her Tigger-type energy, and at his age, letting a fun adult have "the lead" IS fun. As the article suggests, we all "limit our contact" to this "friendly and charming" member of our family. I turn her down for a variety of things if I know that I am not up to "task" mentally or physically to be around her. Holidays are always interesting because we notice that she cannot corral an entire group to be the "center" of listening attention. So, we all "take turns" with her, not realizing that is what is happening, it just happens. When she leaves a social gathering, we are always wiping our brow and feel like we can actually "relax-relax." And, the atmosphere goes down a few notches on the Fujita Tornado Intensity Scale...lol.
I accept/love her and others like her as they are, can't change them, and with time these Energy Vampires have strengthened my courage to set limits/boundaries for myself and say "no" when I need to, if not I become a doormat. So, without realizing it, she has helped me in my own recovery, and continues to reinforce my strength in the "take care of me first" area of my own mental and physical health. Everything for a reason, I say.
this was again reaffirming to read, yesterday in my "today was great" post, when my mom asked my therapist,"why won't my A just leave?" she called them a psychic vampires, draining the love & energy out of us!
Cosmic thinking moves instantly, thank You God for the healing!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Oh how I hear you! My neighbor is the same way. These people are usually addicts. The world revolves around them. They very seldom admit to being wrong too. Monumental manipulating control freaks. Anyway...if I were you...I would send the article to her anonymously of course...and leave it to her HP to handle. I think she deserves the gift.
Hi Friends,
What is an Energy Vampire?