Thanks to Al-Anon I was able to be compassionate when my A finally showed up last night around 7:30 or so.  When he started crying about how sorry he was for hurting me.  That he now realizes how much more important his marriage is than the drugs and alcohol.  That he has told me when he returned home on October 16th that if he couldn't control his use then he would quit.  He said he has had his last drink.  I was loving in my words, a year ago I would be screaming.  I know now that it is the disease I am dealing with not the man.  I told him that I love him, that I am sorry he is having such a rough time, that if he can't do it alone there is plenty of help for him and then I said.........please talk to me about all this when you are sober.  He said he would Monday night. 

My A has never said he is done; he has defended his "right" to drink and use.  He has told me in the past that if he had to choose his fun times with his friends or me, that his friends would win hands down.  I want to be excited, but as I told him, we will take one day at a time.  I used lots of things I have learned, I applied lessons I have been taught, not in a grandiose manner but in a loving and caring way.  He started last week mourning the loss of his son.  It has been almost 2 years, he has not allowed himself to feel any grief, he has stayed numb all this time.  He misses his son so very much.  I embraced him and let him cry, I told him that although there is a reason for everything, the reason we may never know, I could only wish that if I die at 90 that there would be close to 500 people at my service as there was at his son's service, he passed away before his 15th birthday.  I miss him too.

Keep us in your hearts and prayers.  I now believe that nothing changes unless something changes.  I believe that my HP is working miracles in my life and now in my A's life also.  I will however take it one day at a time, as I know my A's life is also a work in progress just like mine. 

Hugs Mary