The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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I had to leave my husband again over the weekend. We have only been back together for 2 months and I really thought it was going to work. My husband is an active a and he got violent this weekend. I don't know what is going on with him. I have suspected that he is using drugs or drinking more because of his behavior. I love my husband but I don't ever want to go back. I can't tolerate this behavior. I know that it will only escalate. I keep telling myself that I was trying to make a relationship work that just wasn't going to work and now it is time for me to let it go before he really hurts me or even kills me. I can't save him and he doesn't want to save himself.
Now is the time that I really need to keep the focus on me. I ask that you all pray that I will have the strenghth and courage it is going to take to help get me through this.
Leaving is one of the hardest decisions to ever make. Good for you though that you made that decision. You are right with him being active the violence will only get worse. You need to take care of you.
Hi Julie- sorry to here things made another bad turn. It is such a confusing process--what to do, when to do it, etc. Violence is ugly and an excellent boundary to never allow anyone to cross. Hope you are getting more support out in the world. It is hard to do this alone. take care- Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
I have never had a real physical confrontation with my husband (A) though he has done a few tricks like rolling the electric car window up on my hand, thinking it was really 'funny'.. which it wasn't.. or getting so angry to throw punches my way but stopping about 10 inches from my face, or punching my arm or leg but only 'once' and supposedly only in 'fun' though it hurt & left a bruise. The only real physical violence I saw in him was about 3 years after we were married and he was not only drinking but doing drugs (the latter I wasn't really aware of). We had a dalmation puppy (large puppy) who went on a gnawing spree with a few pairs of shoes.. My A got so angry, he went & hunt him down, beating him with the shoe, I'm assuming, until the dog had welts & had some bleeding spots. I was apalled. I cried for days. I'd never seen him do anything like that before and being an animal 'lover' so I thought he was.. it was so out of character. I felt horrible. Now, looking back, I should have reported him .. but I didn't. I guess I didn't want to accept that he could be that violent to anything or anyone even an animal.. Now, years and years later, that memory especially comes back to haunt me--I mean, if someone can do that to an animal, a pet.. what is he really capable of? My idea of being 'abused' is physical.. though I have to say I feel abused now after 16 yrs of marriage with a verbally/emotionally abusive husband. Some say there's not much difference.. you just don't SEE the bruises if it's not physical.
I empathize with you, as I, too, am on the borderline of leaving my A. It's hard in some ways because the bad times are interspersed with some very good times and you tend to want to remember the good and not the bad. I commend you for respecting yourself enough to remove yourself from his behavior. I pray that I can find the self-respect to make that difficult decision when or if that time comes.
It's just so wrong that the person who is supposed to LOVE YOU and be your life companion would treat you so badly.
Thank you all for your replies. In the beginning, when the anger is still fresh is the easiest time to stay away. I know that I am going to have a long, hard road ahead of me but through my HP, Alanon, and a counselor I am hoping that I will finally be free of this man. I don't want to stay in a relationship where I have to fear what I say and how I say it. That's not love.
