This isn't something I've felt.   So I can't offer any direct es&h. But........

My a was molested herself but by her father (adopted).  I've also been told by my Sis in law that they were also molested at various foster homes, sometimes by teens along the path to their final childhood home.

My wife has a distrust of women.  Because of that she has no friends.  She says because of all the backstabbing and gossip etc.  It's kinda sad.  So it appears to me that each of us end up distrusting for our own reasons.

I'm not judgmental of anyone's lifestyles.  I happened into a Lesbian nightclub once in Germany as a teen.  It was one of the best night's I've ever had in a club.  Why?  No not because guys like that kinda thing.  Because I knew there were absolutely no expectations.  The girls accepted us and knew we weren't going home w/ them.  We knew were weren't going home with any of these girls.  The focus was just on enjoying the music, enjoying the dancing and having a good time.

One of the things is you mentioned that you and your family don't approve of this.  It's your life.  Maybe as you work your program, you'll find out what your orientation is and what your comfortable with and what makes you happy.  One thing I definately hope you get out of working your program is that you don't have to live your life and choose your relationships based on what will make other people happy.

Open yourself up to your HP showing you the way.

It's your life.  Live your life for you, not for others.

Bob

Hi,

Actually this is a reply to your last posts which i can't find....I too, grrrrrr, lost a post. Seems to happen...too bad; one was your poem but i caught it.

Well, my sponsor sent me a book I really relate to and I've seen it mentioned here several times. It's called "Homecoming" by John Bradshaw.  I am learning a lot about myself and my family.  Anyway, Í read that they have a clinic near you, "Life Plus" near LA.  I have really related to this book and I think it's good that they don't advise meds.  But, my problems are not exactly same as yours and I don't think you should be alone in reading it.  Help, in form of a therapist and good friends, are a good idea.

This Oma, (the word for grandmother in German---I'm old enough!), has learned in her long life not to make decisions based on fear.  She's also learned that every man is different, as is every woman.  We are all individuals.

Also there is no magic cure.  Take time , Lauren and we are here, but you need more than just us.  HP is also there.

Good luck from "Oma" and your friend

toto

(((Lauren))))

Of course you are confused about your sexuality, how could you not be.

Do you speak to a counselor? Do you have someone to help you work through all of this? Alanon is wonderful, but can only help so much.

No one has a right to judge you, as you have nothing wrong. Being molested is not about promiscuity. Something was done to you. Not your choice and definately not your fault. Your trust was betrayed. It is not about men or woman, it is about human beings that took advantage of you and let you down. It is definately not about love.

Whoever you are, or whatever your sexual orientation is, should have nothing to do with what was done to you. You are and will be who you are, adn only you can figure that out. Before you do, you need to deal with what has happened to you.

If you can, seek a good an caring counselor who can help you sort through all of this. Only after you are comfortable with the persn you are, and the fact that none of this was your fault, can you begin to think about finding a healthy caring relationship, with whomever you choose.

Take care honey, and keep coming back.

                          love Jeannie

{{{{{{{{{Lauren}}}}}}}}}  Regardless of which sexual orientation you choose, just keep in mind that all men aren't perps. 

Rosie, it's amazing how many women go out of their way not to look attractive so they won't attract unwanted attention.  Such a sad side-effect of dysfunctional families.