The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A has moved out. He says he wants a divorce. He says he will never change and has given in to the disease. He doesn't drink but has many other addictions like computer games. It has been so difficult trying to cope with this new life that was not my choice. We try to talk but end up screaming at each other. He literally shuts down if I raise my voice or show any emotion at all. Our finances are a mess. We are basically supporting 5 households with 2 boys in college, him in his trailer, our son in the military needing assistance, and my house. We are travelling tomorrow to go get our son's car which is 9 hours away. He will deploy for Iraq for the third time December 1. So along with the threat of divorce and my empty nest, I have dark days and nights. I just don't know how I am going to cope sometimes.
Well, as our HP does for us, small messages have been coming to me. I listen to Alanon/AA tapes when I travel or when I go to bed. I was listening to Joe and Charlie and the Big Book. What spoke to me was "when we become restless, irritable and discontented, it builds up and we take a drink". But I applied it to myself and how I yelled at my A yesterday. I told him that it just builds up and gets to be too much for me coping alone. So the light bulb went on about my coaddiction in this relationship. I reach my limit and have no coping mechanism and turn to my addiction-my A. Yikes. Joe and Charlie say that the solution is simple once we understand the problem. The problem is the disease of alcoholism which I am powerless over. I listened to another Alanon tape in my office today. The speaker's wife died of complications 12 years or so after she had found sobriety. He said that this is how powerful this disease is. That really woke me up. I think that I ask my husband to change as if it as easy as changing clothes.
I want to work on my recovery. I want to let go of my husband and let his HP take care of him. I do still love him. I want the help of my HP and I would like to see what serenity is all about. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts.
What a strong woman you are. I'm sorry it hasn't worked out for you and your A. But you are clearly in control of yourself and your destiny. It's obvious that you have the tools and desires to cope, as overwhelming as that can be at times.
I will say an extra prayer for your son. Say thank you to him for me. What an amazing man you have raised. You should be so proud of him and your other children. It speaks volumes of the parents he has, despite the addiction.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
