The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A came last night to pick up some linens to move into the sober house. I put together a few things that were his when he moved in (that's about all he brought along with his clothes) and he spoke, I listened. I had very little to say. He asked how I felt about him staying at the sober house. I said it was not my opinion that counted. He said that he thought it was a good thing. I again said nothing other than...you have to do what's right for you. He said that he can't screw up b/c he'll get thrown out. OK. Miss one treatment sessions. Dirty urine. As I am the only one on his release (according to him) then how would anyone know? Hole in the story. I left it alone. Didn't even bother to argue. I was calm, I was not emotional. I let him go. This morning I am up and starting my Xmas shopping with our annual trip (friends) to the Christmas Tree Shoppes. Tomorrow yard sale. Each day is a new day and a new challenge.
The greatest part of my not reacting to A's is that I don't have to beat myself up over "I shouldn't have said that" or "darn, I was a little sarcastic there." So that's the benefit of detaching. I also have to detach with love. If I detach coldly, I still get that funny feeling in my gut that maybe I did something not caring. So I read on detaching "with love."
Enjoy your weekend. We all deserve great and wonderful things.
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
And everyone of those small triumphs, add up to a great big recovery for Kim...... Way to go - sounds like you handled things in a way that you are proud of yourself - as well you should be!!
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Aron