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So, this morning I try to call him about driving him to rehab...I was home waiting...although I am sick as well with a viral thing and was out from work yesterday so i was home but had to go in for a meeting today after 12...He didn't answer the phone and of course I thought the worst. 10 minutes later I get a call from the treatment center and it's the counselor telling me that he wasn't accepted b/c the insurance will not pay for him to go inpatient. I asked why that was. Basically he has to have a failed attempt at outpatient which I believed he had had. He had signed himself up for treatment in September and until about two weeks ago thought he was still going. According to the counselor, he only attended the intake and one session and as a result of him not being in treatment it can't be considered a failed attempt. In addtion b/c he was not considered as having withdrawl symptoms he wasn't eligible either. God, I was soooooo angry. When he called me afterward I got a full case of the "poor me's" ....Poor me I can't even get into inpatient. I wanted to strangle him! All that time telling me stories of how "busy" he was between meetings and outpatient and how he had no time for anything. I never asked him about it is what kills me! What an actor! Why go to such lengths to tell such elaborate stories! I kept asking why? Why do that to me? Now I know I should've let go and let God and all but I was pissed off! Now what?
Sorry to hear your news Kim, but I guess it really can't come as any surprise.... Time to work on you.... so that you will be healthier - no matter which way the wind blows him, in his recovery.....
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Hang in there. Try to keep in mind that he is still thinking alcoholicly. His disease is deluding him into believing his thoughts and behavior are rational. Understand that and try to detach. Sounds like you are getting closer to getting him help, and that's a good thing.
I went through somthing similar trying to get into rehab. We picked a place listed under my insurance and went to be admitted. I had recently been asked to sign a letter of resignation at my job, and was unemployed for the first time in my life. I really wanted to take the time to do this right by going away to an inpatient facility. I was told the same thing. I couldn't be admitted inpatient until I relapsed after going through outpatient. They also said that even if I wanted to pay in full to be admitted impatient they couldn't accept me because of stipulations in their contract with the insurance company. I could be admitted to the detox unit if I needed detox, but I hadn't had a drink at that time for 4 days. My sister, being the good little codependent she was, drove off to a liquor store and came back with a .750 l bottle of Absolute and left it in the car for me. While she and my wife were talking to the admissions people, I went out the the lot and chugged about 3/4 of the bottle in about 2 minutes and went back inside. As drunk as I proceded to get in the next 10 to 30 minutes, they would still not let me in because all the paperwork had been submitted for that day. The nurses were in tears watching me. The worst part of it was, I had no intention of drinking that day, I only did it to get into the facility and was sent home plastered. The next day my wife and sister dropped me off at another facility for inpatient. That was my last drink.
It is so hard not to strangle them when they lie, and they can be so good at it.
About the rehab, our insurance company and the rehabs it uses have a set protocol for inpatient. In order to qualify for inpatient you have to have failed or relapsed in an Outpatient program within the last three months.
The part that is bad is that if the insurance paid for an IOP then they do not qualify for an Inpatient program for a full calendar year. So basically they will not pay for inpatient.
I have just recently been arguing with the insurance company about this. My husband has been manipulating me about going into rehab and dragging his feet. He did a 12 weeks IOP a year ago in September, he went back into the outpatient program in February, but the Insurance would only give pay for 3 more weeks. They said he had used up his alcohol benefit for the calendar year. Now he did make the call, but the woman who asseses him said that he meets the rehabs criteria for IOP even though he has failed at an Outpatient program. He would have had to have attended the outpatient within the last 3 months and relapsed to qualify for residential treatment. I spoke to her and the insurance company and they are at cross purposes. Our benefits are limited to only 15 weeks IOP per year or 30 days residential per year. Unfortunately to qualify for residential you have to have done the IOP, then the insurance says no.
It is frustrating, but I know it is what it is. Since it is my company that provides the benefits, I did speak with the intake person, but I can do no more. They will not rewrite the qualifications to meet my husbands needs. I could say it stinks or is not fair, and he is, but the simple fact is, he cannot afford to go in without the insurance and they won't pay. If he wants to get sober he will do it, no matter what. I did my part, now I just have to sit back and do nothing.
You have to do the same. it is up to him. Take care of you, and if he wants sobriety badly enough, he will find it.
