The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I grew up affected by someone else's drinking. I seldom knew what was good for me, yet I knew what was best for others and didn't hesitate to tell them. I didn't know what I enjoyed doing for fun, but I could tell you what activities the alcoholic enjoyed. I feared other people's anger and would do anything to avoid it, yet I was oblivious to my own. Whatever was wrong with my life on any given day, I always knew it was someone else's fault. Then I came to Al-Anon and began to work the Steps. Step Four helped me set aside what others had done to me so I could see my own wrongs. My Fourth Step "spoiled" my resentments. It's not that I no longer have them. Rather, I can no longer harbor resentment and remain ignorant of my part in creating it.
#######ROSIE.....hell i didn't even know who i WAS!!! much less what was good for me????? i could *guage* others, but had no clue about me!!!!! i had to accept the hard facts that i exhisted the way my perp *decreed* for me to exhist....i had no identity....i don't know how old i was when he absorbed me like that movie "the blob"...he was my "blob" ... i got absorbed....thus= codependent......each DAY i become acquainted with this *stranger* who lived in my body for so long......i still don't know completely what i want...what i feel about some things.......i suffered a TOTAL and complete *loss of self*....now, with this program, i am finding me...i had to use the *flashlight* of the steps/literature/ journalling/ sponser work to find me but i am....i am finding me.......other's anger upset me too, anger always meant violence/ bleeding/ hospital visits sometimes....so other people getting mad still scare me....if someone is out of control???? i remove myself from the situation....*been there done that* even on me......i had horrible anger/rage problems too, but i CHOOSE to work through mine and i am WAY better...Bcuz i have the program tools to apply....i can REdirect old anger Bcuz i recognize it as that......i allow mine, but i do it in heathy ways now, by setting boundaries, coveying my feelings.....confronting people who try to abuse me.....with boundaries i have won a new freedom from having to *put up with* intolerable behaviour........and i too, blamed people/ events OUTside of me for my problems......i CHOOSE what kind of day i am going to have.....true--- i canot control events outside of me.....people's anger/ intolerable behaviour, but i CAN choose how i deal with it...i CAN choose to take care of me....by setting boundaries, or flat out removing myself OR, detachment....but i know it is MY choice how my day is gonna go.....sure, *bad hair* days happen...and some days i would soon forget, but on those days i just work the program/ take care of me....and DETACH!!!! walk away!!!!!! when i worked step #4, i saw without a doubt, that my PROBLEMS had my perpetrator's name on them...........my SOLUTION has MY name on it.........
I truly began to change by working through the rest of the Steps, asking God to remove my shortcomings, making amends, continuing to take personal inventory, and asking my Higher Power to direct my thoughts and actions. These changes gave birth to a new person, the person God intended me to be. My entire life transformed as a result of taking responsibility for myself, becoming willing to change, and taking the action I needed to recover. Now I know what I enjoy doing for fun. I've ceased blaming others, and I have a message of hope to carry to other individuals. I continue to work these precious Steps to see myself change and to become closer to God and those I love. Thought for the Day If I were to draw "before" and "after" pictures related to my Al-Anon experience, what would they look like? "Looking back and remembering what I was like ... makes me realize how grateful I am to the program." *Alateen -- a day at a time*, p. 366 ----------
#######ROSIE.....you know, its funny as i look back on it, but here i am *busting my buns* working on my shortcommings, and in the early days, i FORGOT to ask God to remove my shortcommings......like step 7 was one of those *hazy* ones, and so i figured if i ignore it, it will go away......NOT!!!!!! now i remember to ask my HP to remove them/ or distance them/ or at LEAST empower me to manage them........than the amends making, and the daily *report card* i do, with me/ my sponser...other trusted folks.......i am becomming----progressing to the person God had intended me to be.......i am NOW responsible for me...i am NOW taking my life back....i am NOW focusing on me and the solution........i am WILLING....OPEN for a new perspective that enriches me......i try to *spread this around* by example and reaching out to others.........i am not where i want to be...but thank God i am nowhere NEAR where i used to be..thank you DONE!!!!!!
