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I have never been more grateful for this program than I am today.This morning my mother died quietly in hosp after a long and painful year of one dissorder after another. I am grateful that she has no pain.
Considering where Al-Anon has brought me is a miracle - several yrs ago my mother and I became astranged - my fault entirely due to the effects of alcoholism in my home I chose to shut her out of my life - I did that to keep the "secret" pushed her away didn't want anyone to see what our lives had become. Thanks to Al-Anon I was able to share what was going on here in time to repair the damage. We were entirley diff people she very religious me believing in nothing so we argued alot which just drove us further apart.
One day when she was visiting me ( we live 5000 miles apart) she started in on her religious stuff one more time and instead of getting angry I was able to sit with her and explain that here we talk alot about acceptance and ask her to practice it with me in regards to her beliefs. I ask her to accept that I did not believe the way she did and would probably never get there and ask her to accept that i did have a God in my life different than hers but God never the less. Seeing her for the rest of that trip muttering " acceptance - acceptance - acceptance) when she would get upset with me was pricless, but since that day we have never had to argue about our beliefs again.
What that did for me was allow me to once again treat her with the dignity she deserved and love her just the way she was. She was the a Lady always , even when I would rant and rave at her she never defended herself or justified how she felt she just took it, and walked away with her dignity in tact.(more than I could say for mine) As i sit and remember our history I have no guilt or shame in our relationship all that had to be said and done has been done
Step 9 took care of that for me. She knew she was loved and I was given the honor of being the kind of daughter she deserved for the last 15 years of her life . I was able to make her life easier and more comfortable. Had I not married an alcoholic and become willing to do what this program and tough sponsor strongly suggested I would have missed alot of yrs resenting and in anger.
Amazing to me how someone I resented for years turned into my HERO . if God gives me enough time and I am able to become half the lady she was I will feel fulfilled, and I know that HE will do for me what I cannot do for myself.
The gifts of f2f meetings and lots of them assure me that I do not have to go thru anything alone again. Please if you aren't already work these steps get a sponsor and clean up your past before this happens to you. I am so gratful that her passing has brought no guilt just gratitude . Louise
hey louise, that was a great story!!!! IF the relationship is healable, that is great that you could do it B4 she died..............i have 2 A brother's who have messed up really badly and this program helps me keep my serenity and love them in a healthy NON enabling/ or shamebased way.....i used to be ashamed of them too, but now now....they are just spirits having a bad time with substance addiction....basically they are good guys....jsut needing recovery...........thanks for your share/ rosie
I'm so sorry for your loss. I"m so glad that you found the program that helped you and your Mom have a relationship. She is with her maker now and is at peace, and i'm glad that you were able to voice to her that you have your HP too. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers
((((Louise))))) How nice that you are able to reflect on the good and to know she at peace now. What wonderful strength you show in a this time, you are a true inspiration. My heartfelt sympathies, Tracey
Hugs to you..sorry to hear the loss of your mother.. It is wonderful that you and her had a relationship before her passing...take care..My prayers are with you and your family.
I too send my sympathies. I'm so happy that you were able to mend the relationship with your Mom. A loss of a loved one, especially your hero...hurts, no matter what. You are so blessed that you can hold and keep the memories dear to you and do it with fondness and love.
Love you abby Christy (Cjo)
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
My condolences on your loss and my congratulations to you on all that you and your mother gained through your efforts in working a tough Al-Anon program. What a great testament to "practicing these principles in all our affairs," and what a measure of hope you offer to those who have not made it quite as far as you yet. Thank you for sharing and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.
That is an awesome story, and tells lots about the power of the program, AND the strength of both yourself, and your mother, to overcome those differences and rebuild your relationship. Sorry to hear of her passing, but pleased, for you, that she went with the two of you at peace with each other.
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
((((abby)))) I am so sorry for your loss. Glad you were able to enjoy your mother and make amends. Not all of us are able to have that, i am so glad you did. I am amazed how you can still give this program while you are grieving. You truly do have it. Take good care.
kerry
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Life can only be understood backwards, But it must be lived forwards
You said it all. What a tribute to your mother! You are a Lady to me - I've seen your grace and dignity AND you teach us all to allow that for our A's. You're a Lady tutor.
Praying for your solace; thanks for sharing your story. -- Jill
