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I met DH back in 1981 when we were both heavy into the partying (drinking/cocaine). When our son was born in 1992 I realized I couldnt do it anymore, stopped the cocaine and stopped drinking. I now drink occasionally (vacations/etc but after a night of drinking Im fine for a few months/etc). Seems DH just never stopped! (Yes the coke stopped). Thats where we started drifting apart. Its usually me taking care of our son and in a way I can say I owe him my life!
My common bond, with my A/husband, bagan through partying. As I got older, had kids and had new responsibilites I grew out of drinking and drugs. My A, however, is still the same person as he was 20 years ago when we got married (except he is more effected by the alcohol now). He had opted not to grow up. I also have been the primary caregiver to our children.
You are not alone here. Hang in there and take care of you and your son!
My husband and I used to drink together as well. We used to go out clubbing together, and we always shot pool togetehr. While I do not believe I am an alcoholic, I partied heavily while in college and in the beginning of our marriage. When the kids came it was time to grow up and start being responsible. I stopped going out with him as babysitters cost too much, and I did not like leaving the kids with just anyone. I would still have a few drinks at a wedding or if we went out for something special. I come from a family of alcoholics, so I have always been careful, and then made a consciouse choice. As his problem became more apparent to me, I stopped drinking all together. Someone had to be completely alert to drive home and take care of the kids if they woke during the night. Add that to being pregnant so often, and then nursing afterwards, I could not drink at all. It soon became so long since I had drank anything, that one would probably knock me for a loop. As time went on, so much had happened, the smell of alcohol turned my stomach and the sound of a beer can popping went right through me. Now I am not comfortable around anyone who is drinking. Seeing how much damage it has done in my family, I hate being around it in any way.
It seems that my husband too, acts the same way he did many years ago. Drinking, not responibility, but I have grown up.
I am a recovering alcoholic with 18 years of continous sobriety. I met my husband in AA. He had three + years of sobriety-- then a one week relapse, then one year, then three months of off and on, then another three years and so on. This last time he had almost nine years of sobriety. I am so dumb-- I thought he was done drinking for good! A month ago he started drinking. He has been stopped for about one week. It is very hard. He is grumpy and irritable and hard to live with. He and I have decided that if he drinks again he can't come home. And once he rents an efficiency apartment I'm not sure what will happen. We have two daughters at home. They will be devasted. Neither of them have seen their dad drink.
I am resolved to stay sober and do what I have to do for today. It pisses me off because I know sobriety is possible. It is hard for me not to feel arrogant. I forget that the disease of alcoholism effects different people in different ways... I think if he wanted sobriety, he could work for it and get it. It is not a very nice attitude but there it is. I feel sad.
I myself never used drugs with my "A". I drank, but I could never keep up with him, nor did I try.
I came very very close to using with him. (the whole if you can't beat 'em, join 'em mentality.) But then I found out about our first child, so I never did use with him. I thank god every time I look at my children that I never started using with him.
I myself have found that I do have several addictions myself, one being food. We all have our own addictions or vices. Some are just leagal and some aren't, but in the end the food could end up killing me just as easily as his drugs and alcohol could kill him.
I am just grateful to be in alanon.
Much Love,
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
i KNOW i have probs with alcohol...i mean if life is ok??? i can have a glass of wine, eat my food and forget it!!!!!!
if life is stressing me, i tend to want to *medicate* *calm down* with drinking, and i can get a good buz on before i say *enough*.......yeah, it took me a while to realize that even tho i don't necessarily have a *physical* addiction to it i definitely have emotional /mental issues with it......its my *pain med* or my *escape hatch*.....not good either way..................ttyl /rosie
It's the ism's that make a person sick. Some get so sick they have a need to drink and/or can't stop when starting. I've read a lot over the years about addiction. My belief is that any type of addiction (drinking, smoking, love, sex, drugs, compulsions, obsessions) are a disconnect from God or HP. It's us trying to live life OUR way not HP's/God's. Alcoholics and Alanoners share some of the same ism's because it's all a spiritual disease.
I have my own theory.....when raised in a dysfunctional home that is not God/HP centered, we become emotionally wounded/spiritually diseased(some call it personality disordered) and try to fix the scar/wound in unhealthy ways(that's what we were taught...drinking, binging, smoking, etc). If we were raised and lived without any wounds, then we would not have a gift to give to the world. It's through spiritual recovery that we find our gifts to give to the world.
I know I'm weird, but I always was...just ask my family!!
