The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am greatful to be able to ask my questions online, for I do not have a car! So here goes:
I grew up with an alcoholic father. I am now 25, with my own child and husband. I am a recovering alcoholic since 5-11-04. I checked out the brochure for al-anon, and suprisingly, to me, I answered all of your ?'s with a yes.
I have definalty had a difficult time with my father's alcoholism, for I am the only child of four who was forced to stay behind with him when my mother left. My step mother is my everything. She was the only one in this world who made me feel like I am worthy of love. Yet, my father treats her terribly. He yells at her, calls her horrible names. He hates her daughter, who is herself an recovering addict, and her grandchildren. She works 2 jobs and comes home every night to cook and clean. My dad works hard too and cleans as well, but he goes out to the bar on the weekends and comes home enraged. There is no longer any physical abuse, i think he may be getting too old for that, but the way he speaks to those he loves is definatly considered verbal abuse.
He has been drinking heavily for about 35 yrs. and has end-stage chirrosis. He is anorexic, depressed, and God knows what else. As a child I had no choice but to deal with it. I was the oldest of four, the care taker, and as a teenager I left. Now I have my own family, and despite my sobriety i still have to deal with his alcoholism, and how it effects my stepmother.
We tried an intervention when I was 14 (my mother, brother and I). Obviously, it did not work. I was wondering if I should try that again, though my family is split, and I may be alone in my efforts. I am wondering what is his rock-bottom? It seems to me that his life couldn't get much worse. He is hurting all of us, and punishing himself for something. I want him to stop so bad, i can taste it. When is enough enough? What should we do? I feel this constant pain in the pit of my stomach. I thought when I grew up, I wouldn't worry so much anymore b/c I would have more control over myself. On the contrary, I worry much more.
I also want to add that I am a very compassionate person. I have plenty of time on my hands, for I do not work. Though I am new to this, if I can help with your efforts, please let me know. Thank you for this oppurtunity.
Thank you both so much for welcoming me. I went to AA for a while and worked the steps. I have faith in them. I have to remember just how powerless i am! That is actually a big reflief.
SO what iam wondering is, once i have worked the steps, what now? What are some suggetions as to what to tell my step mom? I would love to give her my literature on the steps, even a workbook! But she will need a sponser. I don't think it should be me.
WHat are we supposed to feel about my Dad? Are we to just sit back and watch him kill himself? We all expect it to happen sooner than later. It is just like cancer. When will his suffering end?
we tried an intervention when I was 14 (my mother, brother and I). Obviously, it did not work. I was wondering if I should try that again,
*******Hi and Welcome. I'm glad you found this site. By reading through the posts on here you will get some wonderful ES&H.
As to what you shared above about the intervention.......Since you are involved with the AA program I'm sure you've heard the definition of insanity:
Repeating the same steps over and over again still expecting a different result.
If the intervention didn't work years ago, what makes you think it will work now? Chances are extremely high that it won't. They rarely do.
As someone else shared......the Three C's are great to drill into our heads over and over. I didn't Cause it, I can't Control it and I can't Cure it. Yes it is incredibly hard to sit by and do nothing while watching a loved one basically kill themselves with this disease. While we have come to accept there is nothing we can do to fix them, help them, or cure them as far as their addiction goes, there are plenty of things we can do for ourselves.
You worked the 12 steps around your own drinking problem. There's nothing wrong with working them again around your powerlessness over your dads drinking. Many many members are what's refered to as double winners. They've found recovery for their own addictions through AA or NA (or both) and they also found recovery for their involvement with someone elses drinking/drugging.
Same footwork applies........f2f meetings, getting a sponsor from the Al Anon program, working the 12 steps with step one now being *I am powerless over someone elses drinking/drugging and my life has become unmanageable.*
As for your step mom.......sometimes when other family members see us being restored to sanity by the program, it makes them curious. They begin to want what we have........peace in our lives regardless of what the alcoholic is or isn't doing. Share with her that you're going to meetings and learning tools to cope with your dads disease, then maybe invite her to come to a meeting with you.
Noone knows what another persons rock bottom is. Not even the alcoholic themselves. No, you don't have to sit around and watch his suffering, you can use this program to learn how to take the focus off your dad and put it back where it belongs, on yourself.
Glad you're here.
__________________
Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
wow! your reply was very informative. Thank you so much for taking the time to send it. Thank you for the advice. I understand it all, and i am again greatful to have found you guys. I cannot go to a f2f meeting, for i have no car. I walk everywhere that i need to go. I can't seem to find one in my area, anyhow.
But again, thank you. I know i need to put the focus back on myself. I have a tendency to worry about others when I am doing okay! I need to relax, and enjoy life, b/c it is wonderful. I have been hoping that my peace of mind would intrigue my step mom, and she has asked ?'s, so i think im on the right path.
, but the way he speaks to those he loves is definatly considered verbal abuse. 
