The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Alright ... I feel so stupid. I know I am not stupid but I haven’t been using what I have learned. Times have gotten tough and I easily fall into all of my old patterns. How simple it is to stop doing what you know is good and right for you and just sink in your little hole. I hadn’t even realized that this is what I was doing. I just find myself there all of a sudden and sit there… unable to move any where more positive. I forget that I must work towards a different direction (sometimes even just a little) to be happy and productive again.
I just read two things which I really NEED to remember:
”Recovery is not solely about stopping the pain. Recovery is about learning to make ourselves feel better, then it is about making ourselves feel good.” And “Recovery involves our changing old attitudes that don’t work for us and replacing them with attitudes that do work, replacing attitudes that encourage us to feel badly about ourselves and others with those that allow us to view the world more positively. We learn to see several options where we once saw none at all, and we begin to look at our lives in a new and exciting way. Such a major transformation cannot happen overnight, and none of us, even the most dedicated, can do it alone. We need help guidance and a fresh perspective, Most of all we need to practice what we learn.”
When I find myself all of a sudden where I don’t want or need to be, I need a reminder of what I must do and that I have the power to change my attitude. I do have the desire to change my attitude since I have been working so hard to change my life for the better. It’s that reminder That I need help with. Something that will help bring me back to the tools and words that can get all the old attitudes out and replace them with the new attitude. I tend to get stuck with the old and don’t even realize it. If anyone has any tricks that help them get out of the old attitude, when you are slowly sinking in the muck, I’d really appreciate you help.
It’s amazing how easy it seems when you look at it from a new clear perspective. Once again I will begin to restart taking over my life again and try to stop letting the old Linda find its way into my sole.
Thanks so much for those inspiring quotes--it was just the reminder I needed! I, too, often forget what I've learned or forget to turn to tools I know will help, when the going gets tough. I think sometimes that's just the nature of things being tough, that we forget a little bit until for whatever reason we remember, "Oh, that's right, I could use X tool!". One thing that you might consider is developing a very small, daily ritual to ground your day in the Alanon principles. For example, reading one passage from Courage to Change each morning. Or, some other, sacred special ritual--visiting your favorite tree, or sitting in a church for a few minutes each day. In my old apartment, I set up an altar table (a cardboard box covered with a nice cloth onto which I put sacred objects--a few stones, a special picture, etc.). I made an agreement with myself that whenever I felt like it, whether it was for 2 minutes or 20 or a whole hour. I would sit down there and get quiet. I had often felt like if I could just get away for a day or two for a retreat at a retreat center things would be better, but a friend encouraged me to consider taking teeny-tiny retreats, small moments of getting still and quiet, as often as I chose. I was skeptical at first--how could something so small help when my problems were SOOOOO big. To my surprise, it did wonders! That quiet reflection (part of my being quiet in this case meant that I didn't read anything) helped me feel so grounded and centered. What was important, too, I think was that I was nurturing myself this way regardless of whether things were going well or not well, so I had a consistent inner reserve to draw on.
Thank you so much for posting this... what good reminders for all of us.
I know it is very easy for me to forget that I am not alone, and to slip back into my old habits and behaviors. One thing that helps me is to keep things around me that remind me of the new me. My work station at the office has quotes posted around that I can see, my Just for Today bookmark, and my purse always has at least some Al-Anon literature that I can turn to in a pinch.
There are some times when it comes over me so quickly, when I lose my joy and serenity and the old despair creeps in-- it can happen anywhere, anytime, and I may not have a book with me or a wall full of quotes to review. I have bought a couple of special pieces of jewelry (special because I selected them just for this purpose and they have no other meaning or emotional attachment, not because they were extravagant or expensive) and I wear one of them at all times to remind me of the new me when I start to behave like the old me. It is a little tangible reminder that I can see or feel, and it tells me I can take care of myself, that I value myself, that my higher power is with me... and when I start that backsliding, but I see the ring on my finger or feel the pendant on the string around my neck, it brings me back to right now, where I know I am ok, and where I know I need to go for the relief I need. It works for me to bring me out of my head and into the world, out of the past or future and back into right now.
I think you are doing so well, and your attitude is great. Congratulations on how much you are learning and growing.
