The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had a good last few days, but today I am mad, and don't know why.
I woke up, and didn't want to get out of bed. My husband needed to go to work, but I freaked out on him first thing, and haven't done a single thing since.
I have been in bed all day.
My daughter is sick, and she stayed with me all day, watching cartoons in my bed.
I am mad that my husband can't do anything without my input. Have I set it up that way? He can't make dinner, or entertain the kids unless I ask him. He won't do anything without my direction...
I am having a bad day. I am full of resentment, contempt, disappointment, withdrawl...
I don't think one bad day makes you manic. We are all entitled to a pitypot. Sometimes it just gets to be too much.
A day laying in bed watching cartoons with our children, is sometimes just what we need.
Don't rush to pin a lable on yourself. If you feel it is a pattern, and you are worried, then seek a Dr's advice.
Also don't be ao quick to put the blame of your husbands not taking initiative on yourself. Give yourself a little slack, and allow yourslef to feel your feelings without analyzing them or feeling guilty about them. They are after all your feelings.
Good for you treating yourself to a day in bed watching cartoons with your daughter. We should all do that more often.
If you think that you're husband can't do anything without your input turn the tables on him. A teacher once told me that it is easier for someone to ask the question, and get the answer, rather than figure it out for themselves. That makes sense. I use to get bombarded at work with the simplest questions from my associates that it was taking up so much of my time I couldn't get anything else done. Then I remembered what this teacher told me, and I put it to the test. The next time someone asked me a question I replied: "You know the answer, you tell me." You know what? It worked. They had to start thinking for themselves. It made them a little more independent. The other thing is what would happen if you did the same thing to him? You know start asking his input for everything? You don't have to be mean about it, but maybe he might see what he is doing to you. Just a thought.
Don't be so hard on yourself. A little is okay. You're doing just fine. Hang in there. And if you want, take another day in bed with your daughter. You both deserve it.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
for what its worth--most of my friends have this same complaint about their husbands (A or not!!) It's impossible to be positive and grateful everyday. Honor your lows as part of your own natural life cycle (I have a hard time accepting this as well) take care- Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
Aww Aron, you know you aren't manic..... and it may not even be the "pity pot"..... You are just living, and enmeshed, in life with an active alcoholic, and if we don't choose our own recovery, for ourselves, then we end up living the roller coaster ride, along with our A's....
We were posting about anti-depressants the other day, and I remember what my doctor told me at the time, when I went in, fearful that I was "depressed"....
The bad news, is yes, I was, in fact, in a depressed state.... something he called "situational depression", where something or some circumstances are happening, that are too much for me to handle at the time..... Wow - that was quite a relief..... I wasn't nuts, I was just sick.... For me, I chose to utilize the anti-depressants for six months, and then I was feeling good enough to wean myself off again.... Not advocating this strategy for others, but your post, particularly your topic line, just reminded me of this again...
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
We all have days like that. The thing is do you get off, or do you stay on?
Keep coming back. Remember we are here to offer you Experience, strength and hope. We all need a little ESH at times. There is nothing wrong with that. Remeber we aren't perfect, that would be way to much pressure if we were.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I'm sorry to hear of your bad day. I do that sometimes when I'm PMSING and I feel guilty but really truly do not be so hard on yourself. You are allowed to do just nothing once in a while. We all are. We go through a lot with our spouses that happen to be A's and sometimes we seriously need a breather to just be and not think about all of our STUFF. Please let me know how you are feeling, you happen to be one of those people i look to for encouragement!
You both deserve it. 