The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm 18. Both of my parents are alcoholics and my mom is the reason I'm here. So I'd obviously be going to these meetings as a child of an alcoholic; not a husband or wife like I fear the meeting would be full of. I'm thinking of going to a face-to-face alanon meeting but I'm worried I'll feel odd because it seems that it would be full of husbands and wives(whcih would make me thoe only one that is a COA). Comments or advice or anything would be much appreciated!
I started going to Al Anon meetings in May, and I was very nervous at first!! I am 30, but everyone always thinks I am much younger. Anyway, I have never been married and no kids, and I don't have an active alcoholic in my life. My dad was an A, and he passed away some time ago.
The meetings have been SO great for me. I don't share very much. I just listen. I've gone to 5 different groups, and there is one I like the best. I have learned heaps from all of the people. Everyone has their own unique situation.
For my own situation, I have learned to take care of myself first, and I've really been working on forgiveness. Understanding alcoholism and the dysfunction it can cause in families has helped me to let go of the anger I've carried toward my parents.
Alanon meetings are for anyone whos life is effected by an alcoholic, not just husbands and wives. It is hard at first, but at the right meeting you will feel welcomed, no matter who your qualifier is.
The closest f2f meeting to my home is in a Senior Citizens buildings. Twelve years ago, when I went to my first meeting, even my older kids where babies and I was in my late twenties. Everyother person in that room had white hair and many of their A's where long dead. I thought I would have nothing in common with these people, after all to me they where "old" what did they know about what a young wife was dealing with. They welcomed me with open arms, I found that their stories where startlingly similar to mine, different time, same disease. In fact they had it harder, as it was not talked about when they first dealt with it. Woman where supposed to suffer silently.
Those woman laughed and cried with me, held my little guys and made me feel so comfortable. Years later, many of the origionals are gone and though my hair is a lot grayer than it was. I am still the youngest one there. They still hold my babies, are proud of the accomplishments of my older kids, and make me feel so comfortable and loved. It is still my favorite meeting, though my work schedule makes it hard for me to get to it as often as I would like.
Alcoholism does not discriminate because of age or gender, or race or religion. The names and faces and hair colors might be different, but the stories are all similar. Give it a try, go to several different meetings, find people who you are comfortable with. But don't rule out any because of your age or theirs, you might be suprised as I was.
I had the same concern when I started going to meetings, too. Yes, there are a lot of spouses of alcoholics that attend. There aren't many ACOA's in my meetings either. My sponsor suggested I pay attention to the similarities instead of the differences between us. That made all the difference for me. We all have the same feelings and frustrations, though our perspectives may be different. Just give it a try and remember to take what you like and leave the rest. The meetings have been great for me, and I hope you enjoy them, too.
I go to f2f meetings because of my daughter, but also because of a long history of family alcoholism. Please don't let this question stop you from going. If I had started Alateen years ago when my stepmother was an alcoholic (& I wanted to go!) I would be 40 years ahead on my recovery. Mostly at meetings we do not talk about the alcoholics in our lives. The focus is on ourselves and I always hear something useful.
Have no fear. You get all sorst of people at meetings with sisters, friends, husbands and wives going to meetings. You will feel very safe as it is the one place where you can be you, where you can talk and say things you have probably never said before. There is much love and understanding in the rooms. You will probably hear your own story, but told by someone else as they go through it.
My first meeting I went to was all children of A's. I felt out of place because I was the only wife. It was like they all new better than to marry an A. I went to a few meetings until I found the one I liked. Go you never know.
Depending on the size of your town, and the size of the meeting, you may be surprised..... At some of the bigger meetings, you'll quite likely find husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters of alcoholics....
The cool thing about Al-Anon, is the "acceptance" that you will receive there, even IF you were the only "daughter", per se.... Facing your fears, and walking through those doors, is one important step for you to be able to start living life again....
Just my opinion.
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
