The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today was my counseling session, and my therapist gave me some paperwork on setting boundaries. Ouch, that hurt! I realized in reading thru the list that I have let a LOT of these things go down in my life. And as "Canadianguy" pointed out in reply to my last post, my A hasn't really lost his wife & family, as I'm spending WAY too much time thinking about HIM, and what's going on/NOT going on in his head!
Anyhow... thought some of you might find this interesting!
When You Give Up Your Boundaries You:
Do not notice unhappiness, since enduring is your concern.
Take as truth the most recent opinion you have heard.
Live hopefully while wishing and waiting.
Are satisfied if you are coping and surviving.
Let the other's minimal improvement maintain your stalemate.
Make exceptions for a person for things you would not tolerate in anyone else.
Try to create intimacy with a narcissist.
Feel hurt and victimized but not angry.
Are enmeshed in a drama that is beyond your control.
Are living a life that is not yours and that seems unalterable.
Commit yourself for as long as the other needs you to be committed (no bottom line).
When Your Boundaries Are Intact You:
Recognize when you are happy/sad.
Trust your own intuition while being open to others' opinions.
Live optimistically while working on change.
Have a personal standard, although flexible, that applies to everyone and asks for accountability.
Appreciate feedback and can distinguish it from attempts to manipulate.
Let yourself feel anger, say "ouch" and and embark upon a program of change.
Are always aware of choices.
Are living a life that mostly approximates what you want for yourself.
Decide how, to what extent, and how long you will be committed.
Protect your private matters without having to lie or appease.
This is why I need Al-Anon. I'll be trolling along, thinking life is good because there are no current crises. All the time, I'm simply enduring, copying & surviving. Sheesh. Thanks for posting, Ratchie.
