i noticed that the reading today did correlate with my feelings. it always seems to work out that way for me when i am really not doing well.  I will have to read it again and again and again. i dont have my book on hand right now though unfortunately.

There is a period in early recovery where you start to look at your problems and such and you are like "OMG! I am so messed up, I am too broken to be fixed!" I want to tell you that this may just be that type of situation. You have begun to look at yourself and it's overwhelming. This is where we break it down to a day at a time. Also, you need whatever support you need. Try not to put a judgment on it. You are going through a rough time and Alanon and the people there are supposed to help you. That is what the program is about.

Mark

Hi ((((Michelle))))
A meeting every night can't hurt. So sorry you're having such a rough time. I don't know if this helps or not but I know from personal experience that even when I feel separated from my HP, SHE'S not separated from ME. I honestly don't know why She thinks I'm worth it, but in spite of me, She's always there!

From Mother Teresa, "I know God doesn't give me more than I can handle, but sometimes I wish He didn't trust me so much."

Sometimes when I get caught up in the anxiety of it all, it helps me to make a 'to-do' list and just try to stay with it. Even if it's little things; take a walk, do a load of laundry, wash my hair. I mark off each thing as I do it and MAKE myself move on to the next one. Then at the end of the day, I can at least feel a little better because I've been somewhat productive. Sometimes I just get so caught up in reading/talking/thinking about al-anon issues that I have to pull away for a bit and get some perspective. James Taylor my mental guru!) says "Look up from your life" and I think it's an important thing to do sometimes.

Thinking of you and hoping your day gets better.

i dont know what to say...sometimes other people can never give you what you need and you just have to accept it sucks and you are on your own in life. i dont know if this applies to you or not- but yu said you need more than yur sponsor can give you- i think its easy to slip into that need mode and its a thirst that can never be quenched?
i dont know if this applies to yur situation or not- just a shot in the dark.

on facebook- a lot of people i know do a lot of ranting and they get supported by their AA mates etc and have lots of responses and comments- but when i try and reach out for support i dont get it. so now i just dont bother and suck it up and deal with it on my own. and i have to say.i think ive gained a bit of dignity by doing this- as i deal with my own stuff and dont put it on others.....i dont mean this is what you should do though.

i think its the old cliche time- try and get a support network- friends- work- support worker- counsellor- just as much as you can get and spread yur need between them all- but bear in mind the more you yearn for support- the more yearning it can create

am i making any sense tonight or just talking balony? im trying to help...honest. (lol)

Well three things happened yesterday that made me feel like there is a hope and all is not lost and I can do this.. I can make myself a happier healthier person.

The first incident I know was my higher power at work. I was in the middle of praying for God's will and the strength to keep a smile on my face and the ability to let go of control over the things I can't control that just drive me to insanity. I was really lost in prayers as I was walking down the street. I felt a tickle on my hand and my pessismistic attitude thought "oh great, a spider." I look down, about to blow or swat and I see that it's this perfect little lady bug just walking on my hand. She had about eight spots, four little ones on each side... she walked up my hand.. to the ring that my husband had just bought me for my birthday... I watched her as she spread her wings and then just flew off. I know they are said to be good luck and I can't help but think this represents two things... 1. letting go. 2. spreading your wings and flying into what is best for you ... as pushka's saying goes "How does one become a butterfly?" she asked pensively. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." - Trina Paulus. Thats the first thing I thought of.

The second incident was that I reached for a magazine to read and just happened to pull out this one that I never like to read, flipped open to a page and the article was about forgiveness and the underlined, bold statement said "You can teach your mind to forgive." I am working very hard right now at forgiving my AH. Found it coincidental that this was the page I turn to when I'm struggling with forgiveness.

The final thing is.. I noticed on the forums yesterday someone's quote at the bottom says "I came, I came to, I came to believe." I read it yesterday but didn't do much pondering over it. Today's reading on one of the books (I am not sure which one) talks about that statement and that reading just completeley spoke to me. I am working on my relationship with my hp and have been giving up control over the fact that I lack faith and then asking God to grant me faith. Some days I feel I've lost my faith again and I become scared because I like the relationship I have been building. This was the perfect reading for me because it talks about just letting it all come together for you because it will... letting go and just attending meetings and doing what you need to do. let go and let god. so simple but so hard to do when you're so used to trying to control everything.

thanks to everyone who responded. i feel much better today.

Michelle,

Hugs so glad you are feeling better today. 24 hours can make a huge difference in a life. It does get better. Great awareness!!

Hugs P :)

Michelle,

That is wonderful.  This program unfolds one day at a time and you are getting it.  The slogans are for me the life savers when I am flopping around in my head, particularly the one you cited, let go and let god.   

In support,

T