The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been lurking in the background here for a little while, reading all the great info and seeing bits of my life in your posts. I decided it was time to say Hi!
A little of my story - I have been married to my A for 17 years, in our early years I did not see the signs of alcoholism, I may be a bit dense but it sort snuck up on me. By the time we had 3 children I realised he had a serious problem. He started to lose jobs, crash cars, lose his drivers licence and got caught drink driving numerous times. He even spent 8 months in jail for driving offences. I thought this was his bottom but nothing changed after his release. So about three years ago we separated, I suggested he get his own house, which he is solely responsible for, we also completely separated our finances. Our agreement is if he wants to drink he goes to his house and when he is sober he can spend as much time at my home and with our children as he wants. I have no doubts that he loves us but he is too hard to live with. A is a binge drinker he stays drunk for a week, recovers for a week and then stays sober for maybe 2 weeks. His life always seems to be chaotic. But my children and I now have freedom from the day to day life of living with an alcoholic. The children only see him at his best (although they are well aware of the effects of alcoholism).
Congrats to those who work hard on this site - it,s wonderful - I wish I had found it a long time ago!
Hello feather and welcome! I read in your post a strong woman with her head on straight and her thoughts and actions in order. I like that. I know that you are not American, as the spellings of some of the words you use are different from ours. Australia? Great Britain?
Glad to have you here. Please come back often.
With best wishes, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Thank you for posting. I to love the recovery that I hear here, and there is always several people who have told part of my story when they share theirs. I have also some true friends here.
Keep Coming Back.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
In answer to your question Diva, yes, I am from Australia, so perhaps I should be saying "Gidday!"
Yes our arrangement, does work well although my A will try to stretch the boundaries from time to time. He comes to us drunk because he is lonely or hungry or "wants to talk" about something deep and meaningful to him. At times it does stress me but most of the time I can be supportive without becoming involved, if you know what I mean. He choses his way of life and I chose mine. The sober man is so very different to the drunk one, it's almost unbeleivable
I did attend quite a few al-anon meetings before we separated but honestly thought I would fail the program as I was unable to keep my family under the one roof. Honestly I was worried some of you would think the same.
Thanks for the chance to talk, with the knowledge that you who are reading this truly understand.
Hi, I am new here . . . first post. I've been married for 14 years. My A relapsed about 10 times in the first five years of our marriage. For the last eight years he had continuous sobriety. Recently, he started drinking again. I know my husband's relapse pattern: he drinks for 5-6 days, recovers for a week, then no drinking for _X_ amount of time and so on. Your post intrigued me because of your A's similar behavior. I've been thinking about doing something like that and am interested in more details of your situation. Do you mind sharing more thru email or here? How old are your kids and how did you explain their dad getting his own house? I feel ashamed because then the teachers, aquaintances, neighbors, relatives and everybody would *know* the secret. As of today, our eight year old daughter doesn't know that her dad is an alcoholic or that he has relapsed. I have to plan for my A's drinking to escalate (today? tomorrow?) in which time I will ask him to leave. I have returned to Alanon meetings and read here inbetween. Geez I hate this.
