The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am laying low but want you to all know I have sensed your prayers & appreciate it & love you all. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH. Last week was a *real* test but I seem to have passed ok. I finally cd, to give info as it appears my ex is being watched - I was grateful to find out he is still in his home town. I told them if he thought any info was coming from me, he would hunt me down... thankfully I had no valuable info for them. It seems deep. God only knows & I don't want to! I have "hidden" myself the best I can since i ran away from him. I will take any measures necessary to go further underground, if I must.
I sd I pray for him to get help & after 6 years, only just forgave my ex 3-4 weeks ago. Boy was i riding high on the freedom of that resentment being gone/lifted from me! And then Tuesday this happened - wow - God's timing, not mine. I have no clue what he's into up north or what is going on but this detective kept telling me he isn't going to like prison.... I wish no harm, vengence or evil to anyone, I never have (I'm the martyr, I take the abuse) - well that is long over as my step-father's crisis "woke me up" to the program again after being asleep to the steps & principles for 19 years.
I will always love my (ex) husband from a distance, compassionately but i never want to EVER see him again & I doubt I will ever marry again.
The power struggles in relationships are complicated enough, without having "that paper" making me feel trapped & possessed by another. I recently learned that in the "old" days, the veil was a bag over the bride's head, so the man couldn't see how ugly his wife was & the "ring" was from being chained & dragged to the alter.
God help us all to heal & save your Mother Earth & to love each other by overcoming our abusive pasts.
Let it begin with me... the abuse stops here.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Laying low is an excellent strategy. So is remembering that when we ask to be forgiven as we forgive others, we are holding to a high standard.
With all the safeguards put into play about protecting your anonymity and whereabouts, and the excellent manner in which you handled your interactions, we can all breathe a big sigh of relief -- for now.
But do let's keep some of those other options open, however. There's just no value in having anyone over there knowing anything about you, not where you are or what you are doing.
This is a big country, and there are lots of ways to simply become unavailable.
I remember my daughter's senior year when the feds were watching her boyfriend. He got beat up badly buy drug dealers and that is when he his is large stash of meth in our garage because he was on the run! I was so scared for my daughter but she was not a part of this. I do know that these drug people intend to kill with no conscience at all. This is not the movies anymore, this is real life! WE didnt report the felony amount of meth we found in his back pack in our gargage but trusted that his parents would put him into treatment and so they took it and burned it in a burn barrell at their farm. They then sent their son far away to a relatives farm to be safe. Then they sent him to Seattle to be safe. Unfortunaltey he came back when my daughter graduated from high school and turned 18 in June and took her back with him to Seattle. My husband and I almost literally died of sadness and worry and did not have alanon then.I know wonder if it was the right thing not to report him cause that would have put our daughter in danger, meaning that they could have killed her! This drug war that is going on is not simple little thing anymore. A student in Monatana where my sis-in-law and bro-in-law teach was killed over drugs there in a small town. This is real and I know yoru fear is real too! I don't know what this world is coming too. All I konw if the last time my daughter saw her then ex boyfriend he had a shipment of meth coming from iowa to ND and a big one too! He has been going to college on a full shcholarship due to his brains and also that they claim losses from being farmers while my daughter has loads of college loans to pay back. This is a very dangerous world now a days. I am seeing that by us giving the felony amount of meth to his family that it may of indeed saved our daughter's life. The Feds had also been watching her then boyfreind and he got away twice and was lucky. Of course my daughte's name was on the list too but we were so naive back then and didn't konw this stuff. WE only wise up when he acloholism and drug addiction progressed. I want to be a part of this war on drugs! Not sure how I will ever fit in but something has to be done. My daughter was raised from a so called normal middle class family with love and all seh needed but not spoiled. It wasn't until she could no longer due sports from her broken back that she got into this wrong crowd. Plus she had the gene of alcoholism in her too. Thank God she is clean and sober as of today and going to her AA and NA meetings.She told me once that the drug dealers even sell at the NA meetings too! It is all over th place. I do worry about this world. Something has to be done. Kitty I understand your fear,,,,,yes I do and I will say continuous prayers for you to be safe and to get sleep. your friend in recovery,cdb :)
Keep being safe and taking extra precautions. Don't forget to use a paper shredder (preferably cross-cut) for anything that has your address on it. This includes magazines, and catalogs (check the order form). Not only is this a good way to protect your identity in general, but for you it can be an added layer of protection.
Stay focused on you and your family. Sending you love and prayers.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
yeah, i know what you mean....IF i get someone i mean IF there is someone i hope it is an "al-anon'er" or "codie" or "acoa'ie" who is in recovery for a long time...no druggies/ no alkies need apply....but folks in recovery??? the alanon's and coda's and acoa's i think i wold give it consideration, i mean i am a recovering coda/ al-anon/ acoa and i think now i have a lot to bring to the table.....ONLY now!!!! B4??? no!!! i would get married again, ONLY after i really really shared with the guy, and he proved himself to be as safe as one can be, i mean *perfect* is out!!! not dreamin like that anymore....just a normal guy whom i can be friends with/ feel safe with/ share with/ be intimate with......NO abuse NO cheating NO abuse of substances........B4 recovery i had such a jaded view on men.....but you know if there are good women out there there has to be good men too....i am sure the guys are saying the same thing!!!!! "where are the good women"??? i think we attract what we think of ourselves....i am learning to trust me/ love me/ respect me, so i must be putting out that energy / attraction.....i don't get ANY jerks comming after me now!!! its like they KNOW......
i am still working on me, and still saying to my hp, "if YOU have someone, your gonna have to throw him at me, cuz i am not looking....what will be will be...i'll be open, guardedly open, but its going to have to hit me in the head"!!!!
i am as *gun shy* as the next recovery person, but i won't say *never* used to say it, but no more....i just go on with my life, takin care of me, and loving me, and finding ways to fullfill me.......being alone beats the hell out of being abused.....but being with someone who is healthy and balanced and matched for me would be GR8......all my relationships in the past were dysfunctional....i would love to find out what it would be like with mr. *right for me* who is a *non dysfunctional* and *non druggie/alkie* love / rosie
