The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I knew it was a bad idea. I was lonely and my plans fell through for the weekend. I invited my Ex up to see me and with record speed, he came. He looked good and we spent the weekend together. Everything was fine and I was starting to feel warm and cozy toward him and then it was time for him to leave. The monster came out in him. All of the rage of me leaving him boiled to the surface. I realized that I am mourning the man I wished I were married to, but not the end of this marriage. I should have spent the weekend getting involved in other activities or meditating. I would hvae had less heart ache and head ache.
"..............The monster came out in him. All of the rage of me leaving him boiled to the surface. I realized that I am mourning the man I wished I were married to, but not the end of this marriage. I should have spent the weekend getting involved in other activities or meditating. I would hvae had less heart ache and head ache.
i did that dance with my EX too, dated him, had him over, cause i had no sense of me, and being with my verbally abusive X was better than being alone....AND he was a better date than he was husband...i mean, really, when i left him, he courted me, took me to nice restaurants, did the things he SHOULD have done when we were married.....i almost got *sucked* into the old *memory lane* stuff, but finally i realized that i HAD to stay away, no matter how good he looked...it was a facade and i knew it.....i totally understand/ relate to what U R saying here....hang in there, and work on U and this "too shall pass" rosie
Hindsite is great, but you couldn't have known how it would turn out. Don't be too hard on yourslef for having hope and love. You are human, we all are.
Keep taking care of yourself. There is nothing wrong with hoping.
This could have been my weekend. Weekends are the worst. My A moved out in June. He just pretty well walked out on our 31 year marriage. I get lonely although I do keep busy. It goes ok when we are together until I confront him on his behavior. Then he gets mad and blame it all on me. "I don't want to be in this relationship; I want to be happy". So I internalize it all thinking that if I could just say or do something different it would end differently. Like you I long for that man that I married and the good times that we have had.
In support,
Nancy
PS I am developing a strategy for coping with loneliness and the weekends. That seem when I am most vulnerable.
Don't be so hard on yourself. It's how we learn. We all want that "ideal person". But when you really stop and think about it, those perfect people aren't really so. It's hard when you're lonely not to fall back into the same old trap. But I can't help thinking that this weekend served as a reminder to you why you left. So I'm sorry that you didn't have a good time. But it might have happened for a reason. Just a thought.
I've been playing telephone tag with my A for 2 weeks! And we want to talk to each other. But between my work schedule and his meetings, and chores at the halfway house, it's been crazy. I called him last night and he was out doing some charitable work for kids and Halloween that the house sponsored! There was a slight part of me that got jealous and was feeling blue. But then I had to stop and think. He's in a good program, staying busy (a key thing for him), giving back, and most importantly is sober. So what do I have to be jealous for. I envisoned him dressed up as Frankenstein (he's 6'5" and I'm 5'1 1/2") scaring the kids and having a ball. Last year he never would have agreed to put himself out like that. Mr. Business? Never! Now I can't help but smile. So the fact that I was lonely and a little jealous, oh well. I just turned the TV on and watched my beloved Eagles loose. Then I took a warm shower, curled up with Kitty, ate some homemade tomatoe soup and relaxed. Focused on me feeling good, rather than me feeling sorry for myself.
If weekends are your worst and most vulnerable time, plan them out. Is there an excerise or craft class that you want to attend? Like an A recovering, you must also develope strategies for when you're most vulnerable. Maybe that's when you attend your meetings. Even up here, in this itty bitty New England town there is always something going on.
Stay strong, and keep coming back to us. You're doing just fine.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
rosie 